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Sometimes people are overwhelmed with many feelings and thoughts. If you find that this is your situation, make a list of the top 3 feelings and thoughts that are swirling around in your head. Then pick one and address it.
For instance, your top three thoughts or feelings related to your partner might be:
1. You forgot to kiss me goodbye this morning.
2. Do you really like that couch we ordered or are you just going along?
3. I really need some time alone with you. . . without the kids.
Even if you say what you feel in plain, simple, language (and this can be the best way most times) this is more than enough to make the point that you care. And the more you write the easier it will be and you will become more proficient at communicating your true feelings to others.
There is one caveat. Do not use writing as a way of avoiding confrontation or inflicting pain. The "Dear John" letter is a prime example. Remember that just as the written word has the power to spread love, it can also do damage to a relationship.
Choose your words wisely and never send a letter written in anger or use the written word as an alternative for something that should clearly be done face-to-face.
| I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear.
Joan Didion
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Many therapists and coaches see writing as a powerful form of therapy. Getting everything down on paper clears your head of tumultuous thoughts and emotion. It helps to calm most people. There is even a sense of accomplishment when you have successfully described your feelings or concerns and can see them on paper. This is why journal writing is prescribed by so many therapists.
You can even write letters to communicate deep feelings that you may not be able to speak of effectively in person at the appropriate time (either because you are unavailable or because you do not remember the exact feeling you had at the time.)
Here is a great idea that I got from a book by Mark and Dianne Button called, "The Letter Box: A Story of Enduring Love." The authors suggest that you write letters to your loved ones at important times in their lives and keep the letters tucked away in a small box for your loved ones to open at a later date.
For instance, you can write a letter to your child on the day of his birth describing all the joy you are experiencing and what it is like to hold him for the first time. You give this to him when he are 30 years old or perhaps on the occasion of the birth or his first child. Now that's something you can't do with an e-mail!
Take the time to try this. Commit right now to write your partner or a loved one a personal note expressing your positive feelings toward them. Do it on paper. If a letter is too daunting, then write a couple sentences. If that is too scary, then try just a few words.
Just say what you feel, no matter how simple or silly (this is often best). Have faith that it will make their day. Put your letter to them where they will find it unexpectedly or mail it though the regular mail.
I can guarantee that you will receive a positive response from them. And your letter can keep giving. Because, unlike words that are spoken (and then only a memory), a letter can be reread and experienced over and over.
By taking the time to express your love in a permanent and clear form, you will are recommitting to your loved one and to the vitality of your relationship with them.
Copyright © - Michael J. Montegut, Ph.D.. All rights reserved. Reprinted with Permission.
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