Communicating is Not Optional How to Listen So Your Partner Will Talk - Communicating is Not Optional How to Listen So Your Partner Will Talk

Written by Larry James

When emotionally charged disagreements occur in the future, and they will, stop short of name-calling, verbal assault, blaming, etc., and take a time-out to think about what the disagreement is "really" about. Next, use this process to help you get back on track and watch your relationship go from mediocre to magical.

Old habits die hard, and a couple trying this process for this first time usually will find it an exhausting experience. Communicating requires a sustained commitment.

It takes 21 to 30 days to establish a new habit. It is a wise couple who will makes plans to take time every day to share loving conversation with their partner. Having a specific time each day is another important factor that helps to assure the other that the conversation will take place.

Remember, relationships are something that must be worked on "all the time," not only when they are broken and need to be fixed.

Also remember to mutually agree upon a signal that you can use when one partner begins to get off track, raise their voice, rehash the past, etc. This is very important. Give the "time-out" signal. Say with a gentle voice and a forced smile, "You're doing it again" and calmly walk away from the conversation.

Treat each other with kindness. Catch your partner doing something right and acknowledge them for it. Look for the good in your partner, rather than focus on what you don't like or dwell on past mistakes.

The next time you're feeling frustrated about your relationship, relax and stop trying to make everything perfect. Learn to accept the things you cannot change. Being too active about pursuing change limits your ability to enjoy those aspects of your relationship that are already good. Review the Serenity Prayer.

There is no future in the past. Once you have completed this process, bringing up old stuff over and over again only and always reopens the wound. What you think about and speak about, you bring about. Think only "good" thoughts about your partner and watch what happens.

Never criticize, condemn or complain. Avoid the "blame game." It's easy to blame your partner, however, relationship problems are shared problems. Accept responsibility for your share of the problem and communicate this to your partner.

These are great guidelines to follow and difficult at best, however, doing so will help you communicate more clearly and effectively, contribute greatly to the success of your relationship and help you move beyond the #1 problem in relationships. . . undelivered communications.

Communication is a requirement for a healthy, wholesome, happy and successful relationship. There is no other way. This process will help you create a safe, trusting place to speak openly with your partner.

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