When you have done the best you can, and your relationship seems to be falling apart at the seams, what other possibilities exist? What can you do when you have difficulty sustaining intimacy in your relationship?

What options are available when the very foundation of trust is shaken by an indiscriminate act of infidelity? How can you fix things when one love partner outgrows the need for dependence and begins to noticeably relish the freedom that their new-found independence offers?

When you no longer feel exclusively special to each other; when you no longer feel recognized by the other or wanted or appreciated or perhaps you feel taken for granted, what can you do?

When the heart no longer beats faster in anticipation of the sexual intimacy you once shared, what then? How can you mend a broken heart?

Most people resist change until they are backed against the wall; until they feel that there is nothing else they can do.

Change takes courage. It means taking responsibility for your relationship and being brave enough to take that first step toward change while you are still afraid.

Change takes effort. You must do something different. Sometimes it is important to accept the fact that you may not be able to do it all by yourself or even with your love partner. If you need help, ask for it.

Love partnerships die of neglect. Money, sex, and family problems are only symptoms, they are not the cause. If we value our relationships, we must learn that they require lots of love, attention to detail, time, dedication and continued maintenance.

The changes that are required to maintain an intimate and healthy love relationship are often bigger than both love partners can manage by themselves. When there is a desire to move through the rough spots that all love relationships inevitably experience; when love is present, and the desire for change is mutual, it is time to talk about working things out. . . together.

There are many ways to help us heal the hurt. Study after study has shown that when love partners have difficulties, first they consult their friends and relatives and the most common professional they approach is their medical doctor and in come cases, their spiritual leader.

It is unfortunate that many people often associate the seeking of the services of a professional marriage and family therapist as an admission of failure. So what? There is no shame in taking care of yourself. Therapy is one of the choices. It can make clear the way to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

So, you can now make a choice. To sit around, knowing there is a problem and not doing anything about it can be as painful as staying in an unhealthy love relationship because you are afraid of being alone again.

Studies say women are more likely to seek counseling than men. I am a man, so I can say this. Sometimes men are jerks! We often feel that we must maintain our ego-centered macho image by refusing to admit we may need help. What nonsense! Men are human beings, too. Human beings have problems. Some men often view seeking help as a weakness. What a crock!

To seek the advice of a professional when things are falling apart can only be a sign of strength. We use that same argument to justify why people should use our own professional services in our everyday work, yet we are too afraid or too stubborn to admit that we need help. We feel that we are "man enough" to work it out by ourselves.

Face it, men. We need help. All we can get!

We are afraid. We are afraid of what it will look like to our friends if they discover we are having relationship problems. We are men. We are supposed to be in control of things. Who says?

We are often more afraid of what people will think, than how much we value our relationship with the one we say we love. To me, that's stupidity in action.

We must first learn to acknowledge that we have a problem, then do whatever is consistent with our commitments to our relationship. A problem is anything that gets in the way of our commitments.

When you place a high value on your relationship; when you really love each other, seldom can any problem ever be too difficult to solve. Both love partners, however, must be willing to do whatever it takes. They must have a similar level of commitment to the recovery process.

To go to a therapist or a relationship coach OR watch the slow, agonizing death of your relationship? That is the question. Successful relationships thrive on love. They do not self-correct. They must be worked on. Without love, your relationship weakens and dies.

When considering the option of therapy, some people are willing to put aside their preconceived notions about what works and what doesn't work. They love each other and can't seem to work things out by themselves so they finally come to the decision that to delay seeking assistance may cause irreparable damage to the relationship. That's smart!

They make a choice to care less what others think and with unconditional love as their goal, focus on what must be done. They are able to break through their own self-imposed barriers and look for the opportunity that psychoanalysis and psychotherapy may offer.

Occasionally, self-discovery needs a boost. Therapists and relationship coaches are excellent boosters. The good ones boost with questions that become guides to self-awareness, a commitment to personal integrity, self-confidence and overall self-discovery. Perhaps this is the very best way to become aware of what you didn't know you didn't know. This may be the number one reason to consider therapy. What do you have to lose? It may be a better choice than what you are now doing, which may be nothing, which as you know, isn't working!

So you have decided to go to therapy? Good decision. You must now decide to participate in therapy. Notice. I said participate. If you refuse to participate in therapy like you may have refused to fully participate in your relationship, you will find you will get the same results you now have in your relationship. Not fully participating does not work.