Transforming Borderline Personality Disorder Into A Healing Experience - Borderline Personality Disorder Recovery

Written by HealthyPlace.com Staff Writer

David: Here's the link to the HealthyPlace.com Personality Disorders Community. You can click on this link, sign up for the mail list at the top of the page so you can keep up with events like this.

We have an excellent site that deals with Borderline Personality Disorder: "Life on the Border."

Here is Ms. Paxton's website.

Here's another audience question:

Skier4444: I have bought your book. Is it possible to use the workbook and get better without the help of a therapist?

Laura Paxton: I have received many letters from people who have stated they made noticeable improvement in their recovery using the workbook alone. I usually suggest that my workbook be used in tandem with therapy or a support group, but it can be used as a stand-alone program as well.

Mensch: What do you think of the skills in DBT?

Laura Paxton: Many of them are critical skills to learn, such as emotional modulation and self comforting. These skills are also stressed in my program. They require consistent daily effort and commitment to make them work. The core of all of the coping skills is developing a deep rooted love for self and willingness to take responsibility for recovery rather than blaming self and others.

species55: I have been recovering for 7 years from PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), with dramatic biochemical changes in the brain along with attachment issues resulting from severe trauma by others. This has resulted in difficulties with trust. How were you able to overcome this hurdle?

Laura Paxton: One of the most important things I have learned is that the only person you ever really trust is yourself. You learn to trust yourself to set limits for you and protect you from harm, so that you can learn who is safe to open up to, but you never really trust another human being. I believe we only learn to trust ourselves. We can learn to do this by taking risks in opening up to safe people, but it has to start with discovering Self. I used to believe you could only find a sense of Self through learning to bond with another. Now, I believe that these two things are not mutually exclusive. I think that in the process of learning to trust ourselves, we learn to trust others and vice-versa.

ELIMAE: Is severe attention seeking a part of this disease?

Laura Paxton: Yes, for many people it is. Borderlines are experts at going to any lengths to get their unmet needs from childhood met, even if this paradoxically results in driving people further away. This is one of the most frustrating parts of the disorder for family and professionals.

Cheryle: How do I get over the feeling that I need to have someone in my life or I am no good?

Laura Paxton: Begin to affirm yourself, giving yourself positive messages even if you don't believe them right away. Also, spend time with yourself focusing on developing a loving relationship with yourself. Spend quiet time breathing deeply and focusing on developing love and compassion for your shortcomings. Love has to come from you. You will never be satisfied if you keep trying to find it outside of yourself. The good news is that if you try long enough to develop self-love, you will develop it.

SuicideGIRL: I have fantasies of cutting myself, but never have. Do you think I will in the future?

Laura Paxton: Only if you believe you will. I suggest consciously putting images in your mind of nurturing and loving yourself instead. If you continue to scare yourself with these images, you may feel compelled to act on them. The choice is always yours. Choose self-love.

mom12989: I personally have had so many traumas in my life, and multiple medical issues as well as mental illnesses. I have been a bulimic, for example, for 15 years. Do you think it is really possible to get completely better?

Laura Paxton: Yes, I absolutely do. I was diagnosed with profound depression as a result of my Borderline Personality Disorder, and my BPD was considered a serious case. I suffered for eleven years. It takes a huge amount of commitment, positive thinking, and daily practice of coping skills to do it, but it is possible.

blondie_punk_girll: Does a person have to experience a bad childhood to be borderline?

Laura Paxton: No. There are cases of people who report no childhood abuse who have been diagnosed with BPD. This is more rare, but possible because Borderline Personality Disorder is complex and has multiple causes.

2sweet2say: I am a case manager, and I want to know the best way to defray an explosive situation and benefit the individual, not just defer the problem?

Laura Paxton: After rage has escalated to explosiveness, the individual needs a huge amount of reassurance that she will not be abandoned and that she can prevent further episodes. What is most critical is to positively teach affective containment within the parameters of what's possible. Too often, professionals react with contempt to an outburst and focus only on getting through the episode safely and do not use it properly as the healing opportunity it truly is.

TS: Is the cutting EVER just for ATTENTION? My son did that. He carved LOSER in his forearm.

Laura Paxton: I don't think anything is EVER just for attention. Attention is as important to a child as food or oxygen. People need to know they exist, that they are valued and loved. Cutting is a way of saying: "I don't value myself, do you?"