The Workings of Pathological Narcissism - Pathological Narcissism Definition

Written by Sam Vaknin

While in regression, the person displays childish, immature behaviors. He feels that he is omnipotent, and misjudges his power and that of his opposition. He underestimates challenges facing him and pretends to be "Mr. Know-All". His sensitivity to the needs and emotions of others and his ability to empathise with them deteriorate sharply. He becomes intolerably haughty and arrogant, with sadistic and paranoid tendencies. Above all, he then seeks unconditional admiration, even when he does not deserve it. He is preoccupied with fantastic, magical thinking and daydreams. In this mode he tends to exploit others, to envy them, and to be explosive.

The main function of such reactive and transient secondary narcissism is to encourage the individual to engage in magical thinking, to wish the problem away or to enchant it or to tackle and overcome it from a position of omnipotence.

A personality disorder arises only when repeated attacks on the obstacle continue to fail -- especially if this recurrent failure happens during the formative stages (0-6 years of age). The contrast between the fantastic world (temporarily) occupied by the individual and the real world in which he keeps being frustrated (the grandiosity gap) is too acute to countenance for long. The dissonance gives rise to the unconscious "decision" to go on living in the world of fantasy, grandiosity and entitlement.

The dynamics of narcissism

Primitive defense mechanisms

Narcissism is a defense mechanism related to the splitting defense mechanism. The Narcissist fails to regard other people, situations, or entities (political parties, countries, races, his workplace) as a compound of good and bad elements. He either idealises his object - or devalues it. The object is either all good or all bad. The bad attributes are always projected, displaced, or otherwise externalised. The good ones are internalised in order to support the inflated (grandiose) self-concepts of the narcissist and his grandiose fantasies - and to avoid the pain of deflation and disillusionment.

The narcissist pursues narcissistic supply (attention, both positive and negative) and uses it to regulate his fragile and fluctuating sense of self-worth.

The dysfunctional family

Research shows that most narcissists are born into dysfunctional families. Such families are characterised by massive denials, both internal ("you do not have a real problem, you are only pretending") and external ("you must never tell the secrets of the family to anyone"). Abuse in all forms is not uncommon in such families. These families may encourage excellence, but only as means to a narcissistic end. The parents are usually themselves needy, emotionally immature, and narcissistic and thus unable to recognize or respect the child's emerging boundaries and emotional needs. This often leads to defective or partial socialisation and to problems with sexual identity.

The issue of separation and individuation

According to psychodynamic theories of personal development, parents (primary objects) and, more specifically, mothers are the first agents of socialisation. It is through his mother that the child explores the most important questions, the answers to which will shape his entire life. Later on, she is the subject of his nascent sexual cravings (if the child is a male) - a diffuse sense of wanting to merge, physically, as well as spiritually. This object of love is idealised and internalised and becomes part of our conscience (the superego in the psychoanalytic model).

Growing up entails the gradual detachment from the mother and the redirection of the sexual attraction from her to other, socially appropriate objects. These are the keys to an independent exploration of the world, to personal autonomy and to a strong sense of self. If any of these phases is thwarted (sometimes by the mother herself, who won't "let go") the process of differentiation or separation-individuation is not successfully completed, autonomy and a coherent sense of self are not achieved and the person is characterized by dependence and immaturity.

It is by no means universally accepted that children go through a phase of separation from their parents and through the consequent individuation. Scholars like Daniel Stern, in his book, "The Interpersonal World of the Infant" (1985), concludes that children possess selves and are separated from their caregivers from the very start.

Childhood traumas and the development of the narcissistic personality

Early childhood abuse and traumas trigger coping strategies and defense mechanisms, including narcissism. One of the coping strategies is to withdraw inwards, to seek gratification from a secure, reliable and permanently-available source: from one's self. The child, fearful of further rejection and abuse, refrains from further interaction and resorts to grandiose fantasies of being loved and self-sufficient. Repeated hurt may lead to the development of a narcissistic personality.