I nurture my self-image as a machine: efficient, relentless, industrious, emotionless, reliable, and precise. I am always taken aback when people tell me that I am exceptionally emotional, that I am ruled by my feelings, that I am hyper-sensitive, that I have clear borderline traits.

Once, in response to a contemptuous remark I made about someone (call him "Joe"), his friend retorted: "Joe is cleverer than you because he makes more money than you. If you are so clever and efficient - how come you so poor?"

"I am not as corrupt as he" - I responded - "I wouldn't act as criminally and in collusion with the local venal politicians". I felt self-righteous and triumphant. I really BELIEVED in what I said. I felt indignant and infuriated by Joe's nefarious acts (of which I had no knowledge, nor any proof).

Joe's friend looked at me, not comprehending.

"But, in the last two years, you have served as advisor to these very venal politicians. Joe never worked with them as directly as you did." - she said softly - "And you did spend a year in jail for white collar crimes. Joe never did. What gives you the right to cast the first stone at him?"

There was sad amazement in her voice. And pity. A great pity.

next: Narcissistic Routines