The Narcissist's Time - Narcissist and Suicide

Written by Sam Vaknin

This is why I regard pathological narcissism as THE source of all PDs. The total, 'pure' solution is NPD: self-extinguishing, self-abolishing, totally fake. Then come variations on the self-hate and perpetuated self-abuse themes: HPD (NPD with sex or the body as the Source of Narcissistic Supply), BPD (emotional lability, movement between poles of life wish and death wish) and so on.

Why are narcissists not prone to suicide? Simple: they died a long time ago. They are the true zombies of the world. Read vampire and zombie legends and you will see how narcissistic these creatures are."

Many researchers and scholars and therapists tried to grapple with the void at the core of the narcissist. The common view is that the remnants of the True Self are so ossified, shredded, cowed into submission and repressed - that, for all practical purposes, they are functionless and useless. In treating the narcissist, the therapist often tries to invent a healthy self, rather than build upon the distorted wreckage strewn across the narcissist's psyche.

But what of the rare glimpses of True Self that the unfortunates who interact with narcissists keep reporting?

If the pathological narcissistic element is but one of many other disorders - the True Self may well have survived. Gradations and shades of narcissism occupy the narcissistic spectrum. Narcissistic traits (overlay) are often co-diagnosed with other disorders (co-morbidity). Some people have a narcissistic personality - but NOT NPD! These distinctions are important.

A person may well appear to be a narcissist - but is not, in the strict, psychiatric, sense of the word.

In a full-fledged narcissist, the False Self IMITATES the True Self.

To do so artfully, it deploys two mechanisms:

Re-Interpretation

It causes the narcissist to re-interpret certain emotions and reactions in a flattering, True Self-compatible, light. A narcissist may, for instance, interpret FEAR - as compassion. If I hurt someone I fear (e.g., an authority figure) - I may feel bad afterwards and interpret my discomfort as EMPATHY and COMPASSION. To be afraid is humiliating - to be compassionate is commendable and earns me social acceptance and understanding.

Emulation

The narcissist is possessed of an uncanny ability to psychologically penetrate others. Often, this gift is abused and put at the service of the narcissist's control freakery and sadism. The narcissist uses it liberally to annihilate the natural defences of his victims by faking unprecedented, almost inhuman, empathy.

This capacity is coupled with the narcissist's ability to frighteningly imitate emotions and their attendant behaviours. The narcissist possesses "resonance tables". He keeps records of every action and reaction, every utterance and consequence, every datum provided by others regarding their state of mind and emotional make-up. From these, he then constructs a set of formulas which often result in impeccably and eerily accurate renditions of emotional behaviour. This is enormously deceiving.

The narcissist experiences his own life as a prolonged, incomprehensible, unpredictable, frequently terrifying and deeply saddening nightmare. This is a result of the functional dichotomy - fostered by the narcissist himself - between his False Self and his True Self. The latter - the fossilised ashes of the original, immature, personality - is the one that does the experiencing.

The False Self is nothing but a concoction, a figment of the narcissist's disorder, a reflection in the narcissist's hall of mirrors. It is incapable of feeling, or experiencing. Yet, it is fully the master of the psychodynamic processes, which rage within the narcissist's psyche. The inner battle is so fierce that the True Self experiences it as a diffuse, though imminent and eminently ominous, threat. Anxiety ensues and the narcissist finds himself constantly ready for the next blow. He does things and he knows not why or wherefrom. He says things, acts and behaves in ways, which, he knows, endanger him and put him in line for punishment. Otherwise he hurts people around him, or breaks the law, or violates accepted morality. He knows that he is in the wrong and feels ill at ease on the rare moments that he does feel. He wants to stop but knows not how. Gradually, he feels estranged from himself, possessed by some kind of demon, a puppet on invisible, mental strings. He resents this feeling, he wants to rebel, he is repelled by this part in him with which he is not acquainted. In his efforts to exorcise this devil from his soul, he dissociates.

An eerie sensation sets in and pervades the psyche of the narcissist. At times of crisis, of danger, of depression, of narcissistic failure - he feels that he is watching himself from the outside. This is not a physical description of an ethereal voyage. The narcissist does not really "exit" his body. It is just that he assumes, involuntarily, the position of a spectator, a polite observer mildly interested in the whereabouts of one, Mr. Narcissist. It is akin to watching a movie, the illusion is not complete, nor is it precise. This detachment continues for as long as the unwanted behaviour persists, for as long as the crisis goes on, for as long as the narcissist cannot face who he is, what he is doing and the consequences of his deeds. Since this is the case most of the time, the narcissist gets used to seeing himself in the role of the hero of a motion picture or of a novel. It also sits well with his grandiosity and fantasies. Sometimes, he talks about himself in the third person singular. Sometimes he calls his "other", narcissistic, self by a different name. He describes his life, its events, ups and downs, pains, elation and disappointments in the most remote voice, "professional" and coldly analytical, as though describing (though with a modicum of involvement) the life of some exotic insect (yes, Kafka).