The Inverted Narcissist A Masochist?

The Inverted Narcissist (IN) is more of a codependent than a masochist.

Strictly speaking masochism is sexual (as in sado-masochism). But the colloquial term means "seeking gratification through self-inflicted pain or punishment". This is not the case with codependents or IN's.

The Inverted Narcissist is a specific variant of codependent that derives gratification from her relationship with a narcissistic or a psychopathic (Antisocial personality disordered) partner. But her gratification has nothing to do with the (very real) emotional (and, at times, physical) pain inflicted upon her by her mate.

Rather the IN is gratified by the re-enactment of past abusive relationships. In the narcissist, the IN feels that she has found a lost parent. The IN seeks to re-create old unresolved conflicts through the agency of the narcissist. There is a latent hope that this time, the IN will get it "right", that this emotional liaison or interaction will not end in bitter disappointment and lasting agony.

Yet, by choosing a narcissist for her partner, the IN ensures an identical outcome time and again. Why should one choose to repeatedly fail in her relationships is an intriguing question. Partly, it has to do with the comfort of familiarity. The IN is used since childhood to failing relationships. It seems that the IN prefers predictability to emotional gratification and to personal development. There are also strong elements of self-punishment and self-destruction added to the combustible mix that is the dyad narcissist-inverted narcissist.

Narcissists and Sexual Perversions

Narcissism has long been thought to be a form of paraphilia (sexual deviation or perversion). It has been closely associated with incest and pedophilia.

Incest is an autoerotic act and, therefore, narcissistic. When a father makes love to his daughter he is making love to himself because she is 50% himself. It is a form of masturbation and reassertion of control over oneself.

I analyzed the relationship between narcissism and homosexuality in FAQ 18.

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