Narcissists and Ego Dystony - Excerpts Part 6

Written by Sam Vaknin

Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 6

1. Narcissists and Ego Dystony
2. VoNPD (Victims of NPD)
3. Surrounded by Inferiors
4. Narcissists Hurting Others
5. Narcissists and Art
6. Narcissists are Misogynists
7. Narcissists and Group Therapy
8. Degrees of Narcissism
9. Narcissism and Evil (2)
10. Why do Narcissists Exist?
11. I am Very Sad
12. The Narcissistic Hunt

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13. WHY?
14. Unified Dysfunction Theory
15. Humbling Oneself
16. The Time before Narcissism

1. Narcissists and Ego Dystony

Recent, very surprising, research, shows that narcissists sometimes are ego dystonic. Mostly they don't care about it, they consider it part of their uniqueness. But many narcissists do develop permanent "ego-dystony" (in humanspeak: they constantly feel bad about themselves and their behavior). But the narcissist feels that people are simply not worth the effort. The narcissist's time is of cosmic significance and should not be wasted on such trivia. Also, his narcissism is part of what makes him unique and he will not give it up easily. The narcissist brags of his insensitivity, lack of empathy, lack of emotions, "resilience", "character strength". He deplores "whining" and over-emoting ("histrionics"). This is part of his self definition.

2. VoNPD (Victims of NPD)

Victims of NPD experience shame and anger for their past helplessness and submissiveness.

They are hurt and sensitized by the harrowing experience of sharing a simulated existence with a simulated person, the narcissist.

They are scarred.

Some of them lash at others, offsetting their frustration with aggression (a classic mechanism).

Like his disorder, the narcissist is all-pervasive. Being the victim of a narcissist is a condition no less pernicious than being a narcissist. Great efforts are required to leave a narcissist and physical separation is only the first step. One can abandon a narcissist -but the narcissist is slow to abandon its victims. It is there, lurking, rendering existence unreal, twisting and distorting with no respite, an inner, remorseless voice, lacking in compassion and empathy for its victim. And the narcissist is there spiritually long after it has vanished physically.

This is the real danger that the victims of the narcissist face: that they will become like him, bitter, self-centered, lacking in empathy. This is the last bow of the narcissist, his curtain call, by proxy, as it were.

Stay away from the narcissist inside you - it is far more dangerous than the ones from without.

3. Surrounded by Inferiors

The narcissist does tend to surround himself and interact with his inferiors. This is the safest and fastest way to sustaining his grandiose fantasies of superiority, omnipotence and omniscience, brilliance, ideal traits, perfection and so on.

Humans are interchangeable and the narcissist anyhow does not distinguish one individual from another. To him they are all inanimate parts of "his audience" whose job is to reflect his false self. This generates a perpetual and permanent cognitive dissonance:

The narcissist despises the very people who sustain his ego boundaries and functions. He cannot respect people so expressly and clearly inferior to him - yet he can never associate with people evidently on his level or superior to him, the risk to his self esteem being too high. Equipped with a fragile ego, precariously teetering on the brink of narcissistic injury - the narcissist prefers the safe route of associating with his inferiors. But he feels contempt to himself and to others for having preferred it.