Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 5

1. Jeffrey Satinover on the Myth of Narcissus
2. Pathological Envy
3. Narcissism as Self-Definition
4. Narcissistic Ups and Downs
5. Narcissists and the Order of the World
6. Devaluing the Significant Other
7. Should the Narcissist be Held Accountable for his Actions?
8. Narcissists Getting Tired of their Sources of Supply
9. Narcissists Put on a Show Regarding their "Emotions"?
10. Narcissists Facing their Diagnosis
11. Narcissists and Happy Marriages
12. Male Narcissists and Women
13. The Internalized Voice of the Narcissist
14. My Role in the List
15. This Paradoxical List...
16. The Narcissist as Body Snatcher

1. Jeffrey Satinover on the Myth of Narcissus

This second version of the Narcissus legend was first told by Pausanias. Jeffrey Satinover in his excellent essay "Puer Aeternus - The Narcissistic Relation to the Self" (he is a Jungian) elaborates:

"The core of Puer (=eternal adolescent - SV) relationships is this: the puer seeks relationships that provide him the kind of reflection he is unable to perform for himself. What appears as extroversion in the puer is not that at all. In effect, the puer does not relate to objects (in the analytic sense); he relates instead to a missing part of himself which he either sees in another or makes another perform. Objects function for the puer primarily as an indirect means of introversion.
(Here Satinover quotes Pausanias and proceeds:)
If we take this myth simply as a reflection of the puer's anima problem, we see right away that he seeks not so much his mother as, through the anima, himself."

2. Pathological Envy

Pathological envy is a strong motive in narcissism. Additionally, to cast themselves in the role of "master" (Jeffrey Satinover's term), narcissists cast others in the roles of disciples. They transform others into patients, assigning to themselves the role of psychiatrist. And so on. Actually, they firmly and fully believe that they are working towards the improvement and personal betterment and welfare of the other (I call it: the "mobilization" of their motives and behaviour). This is why they are shocked when these others "ungratefully" rebel, release themselves from the straight jacket of their assigned "roles" and confront them. They are narcissistically injured to the core when this happens and react with rage and paranoia. It only serves to enforce their belief in an unjust world, far inferior and oblivious to their talents and contributions.

3. Narcissism as Self-Definition

"Victim of a narcissist" is a label that does NOT capture the entirety of the person being thus labeled. But this does not apply to narcissism and by extension to other personality disorders (my view). Being a narcissist DOES capture my ENTIRE existence and being. It permeates every one of my cells. As the DSM so aptly puts it, it is "all pervasive". I experience my illusions of grandeur, for instance, on a second by second basis. I don't have a personality - I have a personality disorder. My very personality is disordered. Every aspect, nook and cranny of my personality is disordered. Can we separate the crookedness of a tree from the tree? No, it is a crooked tree. A personality is not like having a tumor, it is like being a tumor. There are developmental reasons why I say this

(see: FAQ 64 ).

4. Narcissistic Ups and Downs

Narcissists do have highs reminiscent of those induced by drugs and associated with the obtaining of narcissistic supply. Recent research shows that narcissists do experience periods of "ego dystony" (feeling bad about themselves, their behavior and what they do to others). But their defense mechanisms are so trained, their personality so rigid - that they revert immediately to their previous existence. I write a lot about narcissistic dysphorias (dysphoria is like a less pervasive depression) in my book and in my websites.