Interview with Tim Hall - Excerpts Part 41 - Narcissism and Sex

Written by Sam Vaknin

Dame Rebecca West was here, in Skopje (Skoplje, as she spells it) about 60 years ago. She wrote:

"This (Macedonian) woman (in the Orthodox church) had suffered more than most other human beings, she and her forebears. A competent observer of this countryside has said that every single person born in it before the Great War (and quite a number who were born after it) has faced the prospect of violent death at least once in his or her life. She had been born during the calamitous end of Turkish maladministration, with its cycles of insurrection and massacre and its social chaos. If her own village had not been murdered, she had, certainly, heard of many that had and had never had any guarantee that hers would not some day share the same fate... and there was always extreme poverty. She had had far less of anything, of personal possessions, of security, of care in childbirth than any Western woman can imagine. But she had two possessions that any Western woman might envy. She had strength, the terrible stony strength of Macedonia; she was begotten and born of stocks who could mock all bullets save those which went through the heart, who could outlive the winters when they were driven into the mountains, who could survive malaria and plague, who could reach old age on a diet of bread and paprika. And cupped in her destitution as in the hollow of a boulder there are the last drops of the Byzantine tradition."

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Q: Your book, "Malignant Self-Love - Narcissism Revisited" is a consistent high-seller on the Barnes & Noble website. Do you know how many copies are currently in print?

A: Yes, I do but it is a commercial secret, I am afraid.

Q: Is the book being used in any colleges or coursework to your knowledge?

A: None whatsoever. No self-respecting - and, more often than not, narcissistic - academic would admit to learning anything from a self-confessed narcissist and ex-con with no institutional affiliation. Academe's resistance to field work is coupled with a patronizing, navel-gazing, self-satisfied and autistic attitude. There are precious few mental health professionals who possess a real and profound grasp of narcissism - or who peruse the archives of my discussion lists - the record of interactions among thousands of narcissists and their victims and an invaluable, unique, resource. would readily admit to such deficiency. Very few bother to visit and

Q: Do you have any plans to come to the U.S. for any lectures or readings?

A: I would love to - but was never invited by anyone.

Q: What I found most fascinating about the book was not only the subject matter, but the style of writing and the intensely personal twist you bring to a subject that is usually treated in dry, impenetrable academic/psychiatric jargon. To me, your book is not only an essential primer on Narcissism, but it ranks as one of the great works of confessional literature. Have others noted the purely literary qualities of the book, apart from the clinical/psychological aspect?

A: I am flattered but beg to disagree. The book's literary qualities are, at best, questionable. My best writing is political (see, for instance, my articles in Central Europe Review) and economic (my articles published by United Press International-UPI). My poetry, I believe, is good as is my online journal. But my other work is verbose and convoluted. Luckily for my publisher, there is nothing that comes remotely close to it in scope and - this being a first hand account and a distillation of six years of correspondence with thousands of people - in penetration and accuracy.

Q: In the wake of these business scandals, the concept of narcissism seems to be appearing in the media more and more. Have you seen increased interest in your work in the past year or so?

A: Interest in narcissism has exploded after the bursting of the dot.com bubble in early 2000. My Web sites have hitherto garnered more than 4 million page views and are currently running at 15,000 page views per day. There are 4000 members in my various mailing lists. It is impossible to avoid my work when one queries a search engine, such as Google, or a human-edited directory such as the Open Directory Today, seven of every ten Web sites which deal with the issue mirror my content - including all the major ones. Phrases I have either coined or helped disseminate widely are routinely used by the profession and in the media, both print and electronic. My book, as you yourself have noted, is a bestseller in Barnesandnoble.com

Yet, hard to believe as this may sound, in six years of activity which touched the lives of hundreds of thousands, frequently in transforming ways, I have been interviewed only once by the major media (the New York Times last year). It is as if I did not exist. I am embittered and feel disenfranchised.

The amazing thing is that thousands of journalists and media people all over the world have been exposed to my work. Barely three or four of them - yourself included - have offered to write about it.

Q: Going back to the concept of 12-step programs and NPD, there's a saying in AA that "self-esteem is built by doing esteemable acts." Through your work and writing you have helped a great many people. Do you ever have moments where you feel genuinely good about yourself for helping others?

A: Yes, but the way a narcissist would. I enjoy my power to affect other people's lives, the narcissistic supply they provide me with and the attention this brings. Hence my consternation at the scant media attention I am getting.

Q: Regarding your own experience with NPD: with such a poor prognosis for sufferers, aren't you at least beating the odds when it comes to NPD? Would you say you are winning the battle, if not the war?

A: Undoubtedly, I have succeeded to harness the usually destructive power of narcissism and apply it productively for the common benefit of everyone involved. But it is still narcissism. I am still - exclusively - after narcissistic supply. I am as grandiose, as exploitative, as lacking empathy as I ever was. I feel as entitled as I ever did. I fly into rages, idealize and devalue and, in general, exhibit the full spectrum of narcissistic behaviors. Narcissism is a dynamic. Its outcomes can be either socially acceptable or condemnable - but the underlying corrosive phenomenon is the same. One cannot heal merely by cognitively accepting that one is diseased. The assimilation of such an insight requires an emotional complement, an investment of feelings and humility. I lack these.