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The narcissist is firmly convinced that he or she is unique and, being special, can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate with, other special or unique, or high-status people (or institutions). He requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation - or, failing that, wishes to be feared and to be notorious (narcissistic supply).
The narcissist feels entitled. He expects unreasonable, or special and favorable priority treatment. He demands automatic and full compliance with his expectations, is "interpersonally exploitative", i.e., uses others to achieve his or her own ends, is devoid of empathy. The narcissist is unable or unwilling to identify with or acknowledge the feelings and needs of others. He is constantly envious of others and believes that they feel the same about him or her. He exhibits arrogant, haughty behaviors, or attitudes coupled with rage when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted.
Q: Would you say the Catholic Church is suffering from a kind of collective narcissism, given its history of protecting child molesters?
A: No, I would say that it is showing the same sense of self-preservation and Mob-like clubbiness that has characterized its history. The doctrine of the infallibility of the Pope, the Church's claim to possess privileged knowledge and unique access to the Creator, its pronounced lack of empathy for the victims of its misconduct, its self-righteous conviction, its belief that it is above human laws, its rigidity and so on - are all narcissistic traits and behavior patterns. But, to my mind, as an organization, it has crossed the line between pathological narcissism and psychopathy long ago. But then, I am a Jew and, therefore, somewhat biased.
Q: In an interview on healthyplace.com, in response to a question about how to reason and negotiate with a narcissist, you said, "That's a tough one. The narcissist is autistic." That interested me because I had just been reading about Asperger's Disorder, which is considered to be a form of high-functioning autism, and in some ways the symptoms are similar to NPD. Can you explain in some more detail about what you meant? Are you aware of any research linking AS with NPD?
A: People suffering from Asperger's Disorder lack empathy, are sensitive to the point of paranoid ideation, and are rigid with some obsessive-compulsive behaviours - all features of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. As a result, their social skills are impaired and their social interactions thwarted. The presenting symptoms of both disorders are very similar. It is easy to misinterpret the Asperger's body language as haughtiness, for instance. Still, scholars today regard Asperger as part of a "schizoid spectrum" in common with the Schizoid Personality Disorder rather than the Narcissistic one.
Q: On your site, you say that a Narcissist can change his behaviour, but usually only after his world is in shambles. Further, even if he does change his behaviour, he cannot heal. This reminded me of the "bottoming-out" process that many drug addicts and alcoholics must go through before they will seek help. Likewise, 12-step movements assert that no addict is ever "cured." Can the philosophies of AA be successfully applied to the narcissist, or help in understanding narcissism?
A: The narcissist is addicted to a drug - his "narcissistic supply". He craves and relentlessly and ruthlessly pursues attention. In the absence of positive attention - adulation, admiration, affirmation, applause, fame, or celebrity - the narcissist makes do with the negative kind (notoriety, infamy). The dynamics of the narcissistic disorder, therefore, closely resemble the psychological dimensions of drug addiction, including the "bottoming-out" that you mentioned. I believe that the treatment modalities preferred by AA, Weight Watchers and 12 step programs should prove applicable to the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Perhaps it is time to establish Narcissists Anonymous.
Q: Is the narcissist unwilling to change, or unable to change?
A: The narcissist is unwilling to change because pathological narcissism has been an adaptive and efficient reaction to the narcissist's life circumstances. Wilhelm Reich called the amalgam of such defence mechanisms an "armor". It restricts one's freedom of movement - but keeps out hurt and threat. The narcissist overcomes adversity by pretending it is isn't there or by reinterpreting events and circumstances to conform to his grandiose and fantastic internal landscape of perfection, omnipotence and omniscience. his narcissism. All narcissists are dimly aware that something has gone awry early on in their lives. But none of them sees why he should replace an existence of splendor - albeit mostly imaginary - with the drabness of the quotidian. The precarious balance of his chaotic and primitive personality vitally depends on the maintenance and furtherance of
Q: What is your advice to somebody who might read this and think that they live or work with a narcissist? What's the first thing they should do?
A: The first and the last thing they should do is disengage. Run, abandon, vanish. Make no excuses. Narcissism is dangerous to your health.
Q: Do you still live in Skopje, Macedonia? Can you tell me a little about where you live, what it's like?
A: I am an Israeli by birth. Upon my release from prison at the end of 1996, I moved to live in Macedonia. With the exception of 1998-9, when I had to flee Macedonia due to political agitation against the incumbent government's corruption, I have lived in Skopje ever since.
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