Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 40

1. Chat hosted by Mental-Health-Today

The edited transcript appeared here - http://www.mental-health-today.com/narcissistic/transcripts.htm

Introduction

Patty, Webmistress of Mental-Health-Today:

I would like to now introduce our speaker for tonight Sam Vaknin, Ph. D., author of "Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited" is not a mental health professional though he is certified in psychological counseling techniques He is the editor of Mental Health Disorders categories in the Open Directory Project and on Mentalhelp.net. He maintains his own websites about the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and about relationships with abusive narcissists here and in Healthy Place.

Sam Vaknin is also the editor of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder topic in Suite101, the moderator of the Narcissistic Abuse List and other mailing lists (c. 3900 members).

It is also interesting to know that Dr.Vaknin himself has the NPD.

Question from saved:

Thanks to Sam! I have read your writings on narcissists and inverted narcissists that were abused as kids. I was wondering, why do some people who were abused end up as neither a narcissist or an inverted narcissist?

Sam Vaknin:

This is an intriguing question. It would seem that the PROPENSITY to develop pathological narcissism may be GENETICALLY determined.

The development of pathological narcissism also depends on other factors such as whether the person is first born, whether he or she was abused by parents, by peers, or by role models (such as teachers) and whether the abuse was of the classic kind (physical, sexual, or verbal) or of another type.

Many people are not aware that there are a million ways to abuse. To love too much is to abuse. It is tantamount to treating someone as an extension, an object, or an instrument of gratification.

To be over-protective, not to respect privacy, to be brutally honest, with a sadistic sense of humour, or consistently tactless - is to abuse.

So, this is an interaction between nature and nurture. Read more in my journal entry - "The Selfish Gene" - here: http://samvak.tripod.com/journal1.html

Question from saved:

If there are 2 narcissistic parents who together have 2 kids, would it make sense that one child might be treated as their "perfect God-like child" and the other would be treated with physical and verbal abuse, and treated like a trash dump?

Sam Vaknin:

Yes, it is. Narcissists idealize or devalue people. They split people into "good, rewarding, satisfying" objects and "frustrating, withholding, bad" people.

They idealize any and every person - including their own children - if they believe the child can serve as a source of narcissistic supply (attention, adulation, admiration, affirmation, etc.).

If the child is perceived by them as a POOR source of supply - either because he or she is insufficiently submissive and obsequious or because the child is imperfect (sick, "stupid") - they devalue the child.

A child that reflects poorly on the narcissist's self-perceived perfection, brilliance, status, etc. - is doomed.

The narcissist lacks empathy. He is cruel. His children are on constant trial. Abuse is the penalty for any disagreement with the parent, criticism, or for being independent, an autonomous individual with own needs, wishes and boundaries.

Question from oakknoll:

Is it typical for a male narcissist to have multiple girlfriends at the same time, telling all of them that they are loved treating them as if they are all cherished and lying to all at the same time acting charming and juggling all of these women at the same time?

Sam Vaknin:

Yes, it is very typical of a certain kind of narcissist - the somatic. This is a narcissist - 75% of them are males - who derives his narcissistic supply from the condition and performance of his body: sexual prowess, attractiveness, body-building, exercising, grooming, etc.