Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 4

1. HPD (Histrionic Personality Disorder) and Somatic NPD
2. Narcissists and Depression
3. Narcissistic Self-Absorption
4. Narcissists as Friends
5. PDs and Self-Mourning
6. DID and NPD
7. NPD and ADHD
8. Psychodynamic Therapies
9. Self-Pity and Grief
10. Should We Licence Parents?
11. BPD, NPD and Other Cluster B PDs

1. HPD (Histrionic Personality Disorder) and Somatic NPD

I "invented" another category between NPD and HPD which I call "somatic narcissists". These are narcissists who acquire their Narcissistic Supply by making use of their bodies, of sex, of physical of physiological achievements, traits, or relationships.

Click here to read the DSM IV-TR definition of the Histrionic Personality Disorder.

2. Narcissists and Depression

If by "depression" we also mean "numbness" then most narcissists are simply numb, emotionally absent, non-existent. Their emotions are not accessible, not "available" to them. So, they inhabit a grey emotional twilight zone. They regard the world through a glass opaquely. It all looks false, fake, invented, contrived, in hues of wrong. But they do not have a sense of living in prison. I have been to prison. Once in it, you remember there's an "outside" and you know there's a way out. Not so in narcissism. The outside has long faded into oblivion, if it ever existed. And there's no way out.

3. Narcissistic Self-Absorption

Narcissists are so abnormally self absorbed because:

1. They are constantly in pursuit of narcissistic supply (fishing for compliments, for instance).
2. They feel bad, sad, distraught most of the time. As opposed to common (and even wrong professional) opinion, narcissists are ego-dystonic (don't "live well" with their personality, the effect they have on others and what I call their Grandiosity Gap - the abyss between their grandiose and fantastic self-perception and the much less fantastic reality).

4. Narcissists as Friends

If your friend is a narcissist - you can never get to really know him, to be friends with him, and ESPECIALLY to be in a loving relationship with him. Narcissists are addicts. They are no different to drug addicts. They are in pursuit of gratification through the drug known as Narcissistic Supply. Everything and EVERYONE around them is an object, a potential source (to be idealised) or not (and, then to be cruelly discarded).

Narcissists home in on potential supplies like cruise missiles with the most toxic load. They are excellent at imitating emotions, exhibiting the right behaviours, and manipulating.

There is an abyss between knowing and feeling and between feeling and healing. Otherwise I - who knows so much about narcissism - would have been healthy by now (and I am NOT). So, it does not matter what you think - it matters how you feel and behave.

5. PDs and Self-Mourning

An integral part of every personality disorder is the all-pervasive feelings of loss, sadness, helplessness, and the resulting rage. It is almost as if people with PDs grieve, mourn themselves, or rather the selves that could have been theirs. This perpetual state of bereavement is oft confused with depression or existential angst.

6. DID and NPD

Is the False Self an alter? In other words: is the True Self of a narcissist the equivalent of a host personality in a DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) - and the False Self one of the fragmented personalities, also known as "alters"?

My personal opinion is that the False Self is a construct, not a self in the full sense. It is the locus of the fantasies of grandiosity, the feelings of entitlements, omnipotence, magical thinking, omniscience and magical immunity of the narcissist. It lacks so many elements that it can hardly be called a "self". Moreover, it has no "cut-off" date. DID alters have a date of inception, as a reaction to trauma or abuse. The False Self is a process, not an entity, it is a reactive pattern and a reactive formation. All taken into account, the choice of words was poor. The False Self is not a Self, nor is it False. It is very real, more real to the narcissist than his True Self. A better choice would have been "abuse reactive self" or something to that effect.