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The narcissist is a person whose emotional growth was stunted. He failed to develop a fully functioning self-system. Instead, to compensate for trauma or abuse and to shield himself, the narcissist develops a False Self. It is important to emphasize that abuse has many forms. Over-indulgence, pampering, smothering, over-expecting, and doting - are as pernicious as "classic" physical, sexual, and psychological abuse.
The narcissist is a drug addict. He is addicted to narcissistic supply - i.e., to input and feedback from other people who react to the False Self he projects. Thus, to the narcissist, appearances matter much more than substance. What people think is far more weighty than the truth. How he is judged by peers, the media, authority figures - is far more important than veracity.
Cooked books, corporate fraud, bending the (GAAP or other) rules, sweeping problems under the carpet, over-promising, making grandiose claims (the vision thing) - are hallmarks of a narcissist in action. When social cues and norms encourage such behaviour rather than inhibit it - in other words, when such behavior elicits abundant narcissistic supply - the behaviour pattern is reinforced and become entrenched and rigid. It becomes a narcissistic routine. Even when circumstances change, the narcissist finds it difficult to adapt, shed his routines, and adopt new ones. He is trapped in his past success. He becomes a swindler.
3. Interview with Writing Tips
The edited interview appeared here - http://www.lifeandcareercoaching.com/writingtips.html
Q: Sam, I know you'll have something profound to say about a writer's motivation to keep going. What are your thoughts?
A: A real author can no more halt his or her writing than you can hold your breath.
Writing is a preferred - and usually exclusive - mode of communication, an instinct, and a reflex rolled into one. It is cathartic, elating, infuriating, binding, freeing - in short, it is the Universe in a microcosm. Works of art are given birth to. And the lowliest form of writing is still a work of art.
Of course, you could write, cook, make love, or paint merely and only for money. But this is as related to the essential, real activities of writing, cooking, loving, or painting - as a lithograph of a van Gogh is related to one of his voluptuous canvasses. It is fake.
Q: Tell us your secret for breaking into the writing arena. We know there are as many different ways to break in as there are writers. Specifically, how did you do it? What was the most important step you took in becoming a successful writer or author? Please share your favorite promotional tip-your best way to get the word out about your work.
A: Composing words - the actual act of writing - is the tip of an iceberg of interactions. Promotion and marketing consume the bulk of an author's time - especially if he or she is self-published or published by a small and resourceless publisher. The keys to success are ubiquity and networking. The dissemination of one's work is a critical facet - free excerpts, review copies, a Web site, a mailing list, an e-zine or newsletter, links on other sites...
Search Google for "Sam Vaknin". I am mentioned 23,000 times. This is the result of 4 years of tireless and shameless self-promotion. At any given time I have 12 of my titles available for download free of charge - full fledged e-books, with ISBN and all. This is called "viral" or "buzz" marketing. More than 500 of my articles are available to Webmasters as free content. I encourage people to mirror - i.e., to copy - my Web site.
I wish I were as good on the human side of it. My interpersonal skills leave a lot to be desired. My exposure is substantial - my Web sites receive c. 8000 page views per day. But I don't particularly like people. I am a recluse. Word of mouth is the name of the game in this business. Inevitably, people, having been rebuffed by me, grow angry and bitter and I sometimes garner negative publicity.
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