Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 34

1. Follies a Deux
2. When can a Classic Narcissist Become an Inverted Narcissist?
3. The Forms of Abuse
4. The Psychopath and the Narcissist
5. The Diagnostic and Statistics Manual (DSM)
6. The Professional Victims
7. Amelioration of Narcissism
8. Inside, Outside
9. How does the Narcissist Perceive My Indifference to His Abuse?

1. Follies a Deux

The phenomenon you are describing is called "follies a deux" (madness in twosome). It consists of the co-creation of an imaginary universe in which certain values and beliefs of the co-creators (a couple, two friends, colleagues, political, or business leaders) are enhanced and magnified. This "magnification" and "support" (validation, empowerment, and "objective" "proof") is the result of the total conformity of both participants with an unwritten code of conduct which excludes critical thinking, contradiction, logic, and comparison. The parties are convinced of their superiority, victimhood, righteousness, and in ultimately prevailing over "others" "out there". They are certain of the authenticity and veracity of their beliefs and of the inevitability of the triumph of their values. In this warped sense, the follies-a-deux system is highly dependent on outside approval and highly vulnerable to criticism - this is why it was fostered in the first place: as a defence mechanism against an insensitive and cruel world...

2. When can a Classic Narcissist Become an Inverted Narcissist?

A classic narcissist can become an inverted narcissist in one (or more) of the following circumstances:

1. Immediately following a life crisis (divorce, devastating financial loss, death of a parent, or a child, imprisonment, loss of social status and, in general, any other narcissistic injury).

1. That the injured narcissist then meets another - classic - narcissist who restores a sense of meaning and superiority (uniqueness) to his life. The injured narcissist derives narcissistic supply vicariously, by proxy, through the "dominant" narcissist.

1. As part of an effort to secure a particularly desired source of Narcissistic Supply. The conversion from classic to inverted narcissism serves to foster an attachment (bonding) between the narcissist and his source. When the narcissist judges that the source is his and can be taken for granted, he reverts to his former, classically narcissistic self.

Such a "conversion" is always temporary. It does not last and the narcissist reverts to his "default" or dominant state.

3. The Forms of Abuse

To be raised as the centre of attention and as the "special one" is to be abused.

The burden of expectations, being taken for granted, the fear to disappoint, the feeling that one is merely an object (of adulation, in this case), an instrument to fulfil other people's dreams, an extension of one's parents - this is the highest, most subtly refined, stealthily pernicious form of abuse.

4. The Psychopath and the Narcissist

The psychopath (=the antisocial personality disorder) feels no remorse. The Narcissist feels blame and guilt but then he instantly shifts them to others (MAINLY and OFTEN to his victim).

Example:

A mentally ill, highly narcissistic mother would very often accuse her child. She would attribute to the child her own shortcomings - sadistic tendencies, severe paranoia, delusions and psychotic episodes and so on.

This is called "projection" and "projective identification". She then would proceed to BLAME the kid for her own faulty and destructive upbringing. She would say that the child was "born evil", was an "evil seed", or that he "provoked her". If she committed incest, she would say that he "seduced her".

This is called "alloplastic defences".