It is a mild form of paranoia - non-persecutory paranoia, if I may use this oxymoron.

7. Fighting Back

The first thing you have to do is stop loving M.

It is natural to harbour these feelings so shortly after a separation.

But M is and always has been an enemy of yours.

You did not love M but his False Self - a projection of his, a movie he no longer screens for you.

Loving M (in your case, being infatuated with him as well) - is a bad strategy.

It provides your enemy with an immediate advantage.

Your enemy being unscrupulous and ruthless - he is bound to maximize this advantage. It is his main weapon.

Your second mistake is to continue to play the role of the hapless and helpless victim.

M is used to this. Any reversal of roles is likely to whack him completely out of balance and to yield miraculous results.

Think how to grasp the initiative. Think how you could victimize HIM.

Think how to put him on a desperate defensive.

Play the strong - he will immediately play the weak.

One way of achieving this by finding a man, a boyfriend.

I know how emotionally inhibited you are after this traumatic affair.

But getting attached - however superficially - to a man will serve the dual purpose of infuriating M while rendering him helpless.

It will also annul your third mistake - that you continue to provide M with Narcissistic Supply.

Your emails, your pleas, your threats - are all music to M's ears.

They serve to prove that you are still addicted to him, that he can still fine tune you.

M derives a sense of sublime omnipotence whenever he hears from you.

He is sadist and a narcissist - so your pain is his supply, your fear is his sustenance.

Stop it immediately. Ignore him completely.

Two weeks of utter, complete, unbroken silence will do more to shatter M than two years of legal battle.

M NEEDS you. You hold enormous power over him - the power of the attention that you give him.

No attention and a new man in your life (just be SEEN with him, make sure M knows about him, that's all). Take the initiative and dictate new rules of the game and M is quivering history.

Just two caveats: do not do anything illegal and make sure you are protected from his physical abuse. Your lawyer can advise you on the first - the police and your new boyfriend can take care of the latter.

next: Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 32