There is nothing a magnet can do about being a magnet.

Magnets have no will, responsibility, cognition, analytical skills, choices, decision making powers, the ability to change, etc.

It is very convenient to think about oneself as a magnet. If one is a magnet - one is subject to natural forces beyond one's control. It is such a cosy feeling.

The world is bad - I can't help being what I am.

Inverted Narcissists are NOT magnets.

They are human beings who ARE responsible for their choices and for the decisions they make.

They can change themselves for the better and, to a large extent, they choose not to do so.

Inverted narcissists ARE narcissists - only they are inverted (read FAQ 66).

Like all other narcissists, they refuse to get better until they are narcissistically injured by a major life crisis.

And then, as all narcissists do, they blame the world (i.e., the narcissists in their lives) rather then assume responsibility for their actions and realizing that something is wrong with them, that THEY are narcissists who need professional help and treatment.

Read more about the alloplastic ("the world is guilty") versus the autoplastic ("I am guilty") defences in FAQ 15.

The phrase "N-magnets" is a BAD metaphor.

It is not a question of semantics. Metaphors both stand for unconscious processes and prompt them.

Metaphors are VERY dangerous things. They should be handled with care.

Inverted narcissists are FULL FLEDGED narcissists who are attracted to other people with personality disorders (NPD, BPD, AsPD, etc.)

They do so out of choice. They do so repeatedly. Many of them do so willingly.

Magnets do not choose. Magnets do not have a will.

(Physical) Magnets are not RESPONSIBLE for what is happening to them.

Magnets are PASSIVE. They are SUBJECT TO natural forces and natural laws which are IMMUTABLE.

Magnets CAN DO NOTHING about being magnets.

Inverted Narcissists can be hurt, can rage, can strike back, can choose to heal, can avoid narcissists.

That so few of them do - is because they are narcissists.

Narcissists - of ALL types - blame the world (in this case, they blame other narcissists) for their troubles.

This is called ALLOPLASTIC DEFENCES.

Narcissists - including inverted narcissists - harbour grandiose delusions, have a False Self and feel entitled.

Narcissists of all stripes exploit others and are devoid of empathy.

The difference is in the strategy. The survival strategy of Inverted Narcissists is to be victims.

The survival strategy of narcissists is to victimize - a perfect match.

Comparing oneself to a magnet is COPPING OUT. It is refusing to assume responsibility.

Moaning and groaning, complaining and crying, accusing and finger pointing, pouting and screaming - are all therapeutically commended and recommended activities.

BUT, it is NOT healing. Magnets, may I remind you, cannot heal. How convenient.

6. Ideas of Reference

An idea of reference is when you attribute to yourself - your existence, your qualities, your behaviour -
something which has nothing to do with you.

Ideas of reference are a derivative of grandiosity and magical thinking.

You think that the world revolves around you, that you are the centre of attention (often negative attention), that you somehow direct other people's behaviour and elicit their reactions, that you are the target of actions and inaction.