Euphoria and Dysphoria - Excerpts Part 31

Written by Sam Vaknin

Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 31

1. Euphoria and Dysphoria
2. Saying Goodbye
3. On the Move
4. Creating Dependence
5. N-magnets a Bad Metaphor
6. Ideas of Reference
7. Fighting Back

1. Euphoria and Dysphoria

The Narcissist has various overlapping cycles of euphoria-elation and dysphoria-depression.

Bipolar Disorder (the current name for mania-depression) is an altogether different affliction which can and does co-appear with personality disorders (co-morbidity). Why (genetics? environment?) is anyone's guess. But it seems to be more of a biochemically induced disorder.

Narcissists have also been known to be cyclothimic and dysthimic.

Narcissists very rarely commit suicide though they often resort to suicidal ideation and to suicide threats or allusions.

2. Saying Goodbye

If you wish to stay out of her life altogether - why would you care what she does with her life?

I know. It's a cruel sentence. But there is no half separation as there is no half pregnancy.

To say goodbye to another person is easy. What is difficult is to say goodbye to what WE once were, to ourselves, to the relationship. It is easy to get out of a relationship - but very difficult to get the relationship out of us. Addiction wears many guises - altruism the most common, love, compassion, and empathy.

3. On the Move

I am never on the move on what appears to me to be my free accord.

Cognitively, I know that I am the organizer of my own itinerary.

Emotionally, I feels like a sailor after an off shore leave on the way to yet another sleazy port.

4. Creating Dependence

Not all character traits are the result of narcissism.

A person can be parsimonious and this will have nothing to do with his personality disorder.

Deploying money to control others IS narcissistic.

The narcissist tries to make significant others financially dependent on him by preventing them from obtaining a job, keeping a bank account, or having access to money.

Some narcissists secure this dependence by threatening and being verbally or physically abusive to the other - or by berating the partner and eroding her self esteem to the point where she is afraid or ashamed to look for a job or to otherwise financially fend for herself.

Some narcissists are impulsive - others are control freaks.

The important thing is the use of money as a tool of subjugation of others.

The narcissist always maintains a double standard: the best for me, at any cost - as for you, dear significant other, the bare minimum necessary to keep you by my side.

5. N-magnets a Bad Metaphor

I disagree with the term "N-magnets".

Magnets are inert, physical objects.

They attract and are attracted because that's the way they are.