They invent a narrative - or use one - and force others to play their parts within it ("emergence").

To remain healthy in their presence, one must have a strong inner core, a set of immutable principles, and to apply them unflinchingly.

You cannot live by your daughter's or your son's reactions or potential reactions.

Humans are take it or leave it propositions (with minor modifications around the edges).

Let them make the decision to take you or leave you.

In truth there is nothing much you can do about being who you are.

The worst you can do is collaborate and become a statist in someone else's scenario.

5. More about the False Self and the True Self

("Ego" and "Self" are used here interchangeably - I do not apply Jung's or Kohut's distinctions)

The False Self is a device invented by the narcissist in order to support his grandiose, compensatory delusions, to shield him from hurt, and (more importantly) to attract other people and lure them into fulfilling ego functions for him.

This attraction is the result of the mental make-up of those attracted to the narcissist - and of his ability to excite, thrill, project certainty, etc.

So, the narcissist's False Ego is far more rewarding than his dilapidated, dysfunctional and immature True Ego.

The non-narcissistic person has no False Self.

His ego (the True one) is integrated into his personality and is functional, realistic, and mature.

The "normal" person does not need others to help him to be himself, to properly gauge his talents and limitations, to support grandiose fantasies, etc.

So, he has only True Ego and no False Ego to prefer to it.

6. Detoxifying

Detoxifying is never joyous.

There is always pain associated with flexing one's atrophied muscles of self protection.

Training for the marathon of life is often bone breaking and we never even get to race.

Meaninglessness, circularity, entrapment hurt.

The agony of saying goodbye is often nothing compared to the anguish of saying hello.

Unfortunately, we learn by error conceived in constant trial.

Call that taxi. Sometimes, the shortest phone calls take us the longest way.

It takes a total stranger to soothe and drive you in the right direction.

And even then one has to pay the fare.

This is a consolation. The togetherness of solitude, the communion of the solitary, the solitaire of life.

7. NPD, AsPD

I have written extensively about NPD versus AsPD but, in a nutshell, the important differences, in my view, are:

• Inability or unwillingness to control impulses (AsPD)
• Enhanced lack of empathy on the part of the AsPD
• Inability to form relationships with other humans, not even the narcissistically twisted ones
• Total disregard for society, its conventions, social cues, and social treaties

As opposed to what Scott Peck says, narcissists are not evil - they lack the intention to cause harm.

They are simply indifferent, callous and careless in their conduct and in their treatment of their fellow humans.

We often crave abuse because we mistakenly identify abuse with purification and growth (abuse retards personal growth).

It is an erroneous assumption that you matter to him.

You don't. You are a representation, a silhouette, a shadow, a statistic.