Types of Narcissists - Excerpts Part 27 - Types of Narcissists

Written by Sam Vaknin

4. It is not What You DO

This is what you fail to understand:

It is not what you DO to a narcissist.

It is not what you SAY to a narcissist.

It is that you ARE.

Sufficient reason for abuse.

5. You Know What You Have to DO

You know what you have to do: get rid of him as fast as you can.

You are also aware of your inability to do so.

When we are unable to seek our own welfare and consent to being abused and threatened - we need help and should seek it.

This is not agape - this is masochism.

Read FAQ 66

6. Presumptions

I have been thinking a lot about my behaviour last night (my time).

I think it has to do with your presumptuousness which leads to my dehumanization.

I will try to explain:

You presume to be my friend, on intimate terms with me.

You presume to understand me.

You presume to understand me better than I understand myself.

You presume to "feel" me even at a distance of thousands of miles.

You presume to be able to predict my moves and my behaviour.

When I protest and tell you that you are wrong - you forgivingly smile as though you know better than to believe me.

You give me a cyber-wink.

You tell me that I am lying or cognitively defunct.

This is demeaning, humiliating and dehumanizing.

It is a continuation of past abuse I suffered, sugar-coated.

So, to summarize:

Don't dare decide for me.

Don't dare doubt my sincerity.

Take me at face value.

Or buzz off.

7. Humanizing the Beast

You are in the throes of a constant and panicky effort to humanize the beasts in your life, to appease and sign truces with the monsters that passed for humans in your biography.

And you wish to believe that it is only because you withheld from them the supreme sacrifice they demanded (you, your needs, your children) that you failed in transforming them from what they are to what they could have been.

People make the mistake of thinking that in my writings about narcissism (or geopolitics, or whatever) I represent a moral stance. Of course I am not.

Lacking empathy, I am a completely amoral person. I have no moral position.

I observe dispassionately and describe what I have observed indifferently. I am an entomologist observing the black widow, a historian documenting Auschwitz, a professor of medicine diagnosing a brain tumour. Needless to say that many historians, brain surgeons, and entomologists are possessed of moral stances - but, to me, this is a contamination of their science, not an enhancement of it.