Narcissist and Women - Excerpts Part 26 - Narcissist and Women

Written by Sam Vaknin

4. Aggression

We often attribute other people's aggression to ourselves.

This way we do not feel threatened.

We often release frustration through aggression.

This way we feel threatening.

But very often we feel threatened when we feel threatening.

And so often other people's aggression is so frustrating ...

5. To Live and to Grieve

With me, it is a vicious circle. To live, I must first grieve. To grieve is to put life on hold. This enrages me. My rage causes losses. My losses lead to grieving and to further rage. In this mayhem, life is completely forgotten.

In my case, this is because I was treated as an instrument. Machines are repetitive and "insane" in that they go nowhere (they "import" their "personality" from the user - think about the inane term "user friendly").

Maybe I am falsely consoling myself but I keep telling myself that I have MY ride which no one shares or can share. As to the banquet - I have been there, I have done that. It's fake.

I think you enter relationships (the ones I witnessed) with the wish to give more than to receive. This is imbalanced and leads to emptiness. I wish you could think more about you and less about all those who need you and use you and finally (some of them) abuse you. A hefty dose of self-interest would have helped here (NOT narcissism - which is OTHER orientated - but SELF INTEREST which is the result of self love).

6. Anticipatory Panic

It is one of the main traits of the narcissist that he instills his rage in his victims and it is manifested as anticipatory panic.

7. My Warden

As for me, I know that I am my worst warden.

This was my big discovery in jail (of all places):

That I have the keys (the keys that matter) to my self-constructed cell.

That I create my burdens.

And that only I can imprison myself as my SELF is in my head and to there no one has total access - nor should anyone have.

Once these lessons are REALLY and FULLY assimilated, there are very few emotional upheavals afterwards.

I give no one the power to be my judge, I pick the jury, and I even then decide whether to accept their verdict or not.

Never hand to others the power to tell you what you are or what you should be.

8. Love, this Bastard

Love, this bastard of the twin monsters of fear of abandonment and neediness, is of no import to me.

I proclaimed its pathology long before it came to be in vogue to do so.

It is an addiction which is requited only by the ficklest of substances - the mind of another human being.

It is an affliction of reason, an emotional rash, the pretext for narcissistic reproduction.

It is vain and blind and ugly in its partiality.

I hate religion and there is none more superstitious, no god more cruel, no commandment more onerous, no scriptures more inane than love.

It is a relationship of one exploited and its master.

There is no equality between the junkie and his syringe.

Love is the continuation of hate and fear, the emotions provoked by our parents, by other means.

It is to look for omnipotence through impotence.

I much prefer hate and fear.