Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 26

1. Women
2. Do not be Afraid
3. The Information Addict
4. Aggression
5. To Live and to Grieve
6. Anticipatory Panic
7. My Warden
8. Love, this Bastard
9. Going to Therapy
10. Official Psychology and NPD
11. Loving Narcissism

1. Women

I was 19 when I first masturbated and 25 when I had my first sexual encounter with a woman.

Mostly, I abstain, but every few years, I have bursts of sexual activity which last 1-3 months and are followed by years of abstinence or very infrequent sexual activity.

This is true even when I have plenty of Narcissistic Supply and when I am actively courted by women (for instance, when I am rich, or famous, or powerful, and look relatively good).

It is not that I don't want to have sex. I want to very much. I am unusually sensual and sensuous. I have the most delicious imagination.

But it is all mixed with murderous rage towards women. You cannot begin to fathom the depths of hatred and disdain, the contempt I feel towards these mermaids: half predators, half parasites.

My only consolation is the ease with which I can tease and then subjugate and then frustrate and then humiliate them. It is such a sweet revenge, such gratification that it often outweighs the pleasure of sex itself.

I am not a physical type, so I will never harm a woman physically. But, wherever possible to inflict pain and to drive a woman to the limits of her sanity - I do a good job of it.

I never stalk or threaten or do anything to impose myself.

I don't need to.

Women get addicted to me effortlessly.

All I need to do is to be my maddeningly frustrating and inaccessible self.

And the self-destructive mechanisms of the woman do the rest.

2. Do not be Afraid

Do not be afraid of your former husband. The only way not to be harmed by a narcissist is not to interact with one. AT ALL.

Narcissist sense your weaknesses and attack them viciously and rapaciously.

They are dangerous predators. One does not compromise with a tiger or accommodates a snake.

Moreover, narcissists understand ONLY the dual language of fear and hate, of threat and bait. Disengage, be firm, threaten him (within the law).

3. The Information Addict

I hate sleep.

For an information addict, sleep (or sex, or food, or any other bodily function, or any social function) is a torture.

Yet, lately, I oversleep (up to 11 hours in every 24).

It makes me rageful, resentful and misanthropic.

I decided to implement a strict regime of waking up and getting up.

My body is starting to betray me. It is utterly dilapidated, no musculature, no tonus. It is rhythm-less.

The flabby memory of excesses.

I feel certain that I have only a limited time left to say and do what I have to say and do.

In typical narcissistic fashion, I don't know what it is that I have to say or do (that is of such importance).

But my magical thinking assures me that the time will come and I will know.

And my omnipotence tells me that I am capable of saying and doing everything.

I feel deprived that I cannot have sex. I realize that it is - to use legal parlance - an unusual punishment, especially for someone so wildly sensual as I am.