Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 20

1. There is no Gaol
2. Inverted Narcissists Once More
3. Losing Control
4. The Borderline Narcissist - A Psychotic?
5. How to Assuage a Narcissist
6. Don't Kiss Me without Permission
7. The Root of Evil
8. Love as Domination
9. My Guardian Angel
10. The Pleasures of the Somatic Narcissist

1. There is no Gaol

There is no gaol more monstrous than our mind.

The Narcissist is a child. He is so curious and frightened and cruel and passionate and tender and impetuous and obdurate and loveable and enraging - all the things kids are.

He is in constant search of a lost mother.

And when he finds her, he holds onto her apron and won't let go.

The narcissist is screaming constantly, transmitting agony to a world without receivers.

Except the inverted narcissists. They have receivers. And his pain blinds them and they cannot resist or desist. Insist, they persist and fight, trying to recapture the narcissist's soul, doing battle with his demons.

2. Inverted Narcissists Once More

Inverted narcissism is a term that we invented here, in this list - BUT we did not invent the condition.

It was previously called "covert" narcissist and Lowen and Golomb describe it in great detail.

Without a narcissist - the Inverted Narcissist's (IN) life is grey and motionless.

An IN would feel threatened in a relationship with another IN. First, they would both be competing for narcissists (not for narcissistic supply but for a supply of narcissists). Second, they would feel that the relationship is unstable and not built to endure.

I think that the IN is a co-dependent who latches on EXCLUSIVELY to narcissists. He uses what little empathy he does have to secure his supply from his narcissist.

3. Losing Control

The narcissist is mortally terrified of losing control - or of not having it to start with. Lack of control negates his deeply embedded feeling of omnipotence - a pillar of his False Self.

Thus, when faced with death, illness, grief, fear, natural catastrophe, accident, war - anything he knows he cannot control - he becomes frustrated and rageful.

4. The Borderline Narcissist - A Psychotic?

This is why Kernberg came up with the "Borderline" invention - a diagnostician's paradise. Something between psychotic and neurotic (actually between psychotic and the personality disordered). The differentiation is this:

• Neurotic - autoplastic defenses (something's wrong with me)
• Personality disordered - alloplastic defenses (something's wrong with the world)
• Psychotics - something's wrong with those who say that something's wrong with me

ALL personality disorders have a clear psychotic streak. Borderlines have psychotic episodes. Narcissists react with psychosis to life crises and in treatment ("psychotic microepisodes" which can last for days!!!).

Paranoids are paranoids. Schizoids are low intensity psychotics. And so on.