9. Narcissism's Gifts to Humanity

Narcissism is an awesomely powerful drive, force, compulsion. I know that when I get the urge to impress someone there is VERY little I won't do. It gets you places, though. Narcissism may be responsible for many scientific, literary, artistic and political achievements.

A wise person, whom I hold in high respect (not idealising, just respecting) once made two pertinent (I think) observations:

1. That perhaps narcissism is bad for the individual but good for the community.
2. That acts of self destruction may actually be acts of liberation from unwanted situations in life.

10. Narcissists and Manipulation

Narcissists are adept at manipulating what I call their Narcissistic Pathological Space ( country, family, friends, colleagues, workplace). They are excellent imitators ((Zelig-like types, chameleons). In the workplace they will project work ethic and the sharing of basic goals in a team work. To their spouse they will reflect "love", to their colleagues - collaboration and mutual respect. Scratch the surface though and out springs the ever-youthful narcissist: indignant, rageful, vengeful, dangerous, painful.

11. Narcissist Employer

To a narcissist-employer, his "staff" are Secondary Sources of Narcissistic Supply. Their role is to accumulate the supply (in humanspeak, remember events that support the grandiose self-image of the narcissist) and to regulate the Narcissistic Supply of the narcissist during dry spells (simply put, to adulate, adore, admire, agree, provide attention and approval, and so on, in other words, serve as an audience). The staff (or should I say "stuff"?) is supposed to remain passive. The narcissist is not interested in anything but the simplest function of mirroring. When the mirror acquires a personality and a life of its own, the narcissist is incensed. He may even fire the employee (an act which will help the narcissist recover his sense of omnipotence).

An employee's presumption to be his employer's equal (friendship is possible only among equals) narcissistically injures the narcissist. The narcissist is willing to accept the employee as an underling, whose very position as such serves to support his grandiose fantasies. But the grandiosity rests on such fragile foundations, that any hint of equality, disagreement, or of his needs (for a friend, for instance) threatens the narcissist profoundly. The narcissist is exceedingly insecure. It is easy to destabilise his impromptu "personality". His reactions are merely in self-defence.

Classic narcissistic behaviour is when idealisation followed by devaluation. The devaluating attitude develops as a result of disagreements OR simply because time has eroded the employee's capacity to serve as a FRESH Source of Supply.

In time, the employee is taken for granted by the narcissistic employer, and becomes uninspiring as a source of adulation, admiration and attention. The narcissist needs new thrills and stimuli.

The narcissist is notorious for his low threshold of resistance to boredom. He exhibits impulsive behaviours and has a chaotic biography precisely because of his need to introduce uncertainty and risk to what he regards as "stagnation" or "slow death" (=routine). Even something as innocuous as asking for office supplies constitutes a reminder of this deflating, hated, routine.

Narcissists do many unnecessary, wrong and even dangerous things in pursuit of the stabilisation of their inflated self-image.

Narcissists feel suffocated by intimacy, or by the constant reminders of the REAL, nitty-gritty, world. It reduces them, makes them realise the Grandiosity Gap (between their self image and reality). It is treated as a threat to the precarious balance of their personality structures (mostly "false" and invented).

Narcissists will forever shift the blame, pass the buck, and engage in cognitive dissonance. They "pathologise" the other, foster feelings of guilt and shame in the other, demean, debase and humiliate the other, in order to preserve their sense of grandiosity.

Narcissists are pathological liars. They think nothing of it because their very self is FALSE, an invention.

Here are a few useful guidelines:

• Never disagree with your narcissist-employer or contradict him.
• Never offer him any intimacy.
• Look awed by whatever attribute matters to him (for instance: by his professional achievements, or by his good looks, or by his success with women and so on).
• Never remind him of life out there and if you do, connect it somehow to his sense of grandiosity (these are the BEST art materials ANY workplace is going to have, we get them EXCLUSIVELY, etc., etc.).
• Do not make any comment which might directly or indirectly impinge on his self image, omnipotence, judgment, omniscience, diagnostic capabilities, professional record, or even omnipresence. Bad sentences start with: "I think you overlooked ... made a mistake here ... you don't know ... do you know ... you were not here yesterday so ... you cannot ... you should ...(perceived as rude imposition, narcissists react very badly to restrictions placed on their omnipotent freedom) ... I (never mention the fact that you are a separate, independent entity. Narcissists regard others as extensions of their selves, their internalisation processes were screwed up in their formative years and they did not differentiate objects properly) ...".

next: Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 3