Hated Personality Disordered - Excerpts Part 19 - Leaving a Narcissist

Written by Sam Vaknin

6. Sexual versus other Forms of Abuse

Sexual abuse is FUNDAMENTALLY different to other forms of abuse. Indeed, the psychopathological reactions and defences to sexual abuse usually coalesce into BPD or DID (borderline personality disorder or dissociative identity disorder). NPD is very rare as a reactive pattern in cases of sexual abuse - though narcissistic traits very often co-appear with BPD.

The narcissist's reaction really depends on the nature of the relationship between the narcissist and the deceased. If the deceased was a major source of narcissistic supply - the result is a major narcissistic injury. Such injury often leads to sudden, agonizingly illuminating, self-awareness, followed by a quest to alleviate the excruciating, life threatening, pain. Suicidal ideation is followed by panic. The narcissist will consider and do ANYTHING to get rid of the ominous sense of being voided and annihilated - including go to therapy.

This set of reactions is also observed following a divorce. The vanishing of an important (sometimes exclusive) source of NS is a very frightening experience.

If the deceased was a minor source of supply, or none at all - the narcissist is likely not to react to the unfortunate event and to go on with his routine, to pursue his sources of NS, his petty squabbles, etc. Interestingly, the narcissist is likely to react in the same manner (that is, not to react, to ignore) to the death of someone who has occupied a special position in his life either as a source of supply or emotionally in his PAST - and ceased to do so at present. The narcissist tries to avoid the pain of memory, the grief, and the mourning by doing what he knows best: repressing, suppressing, lying, pretending. This time - to himself.

next: Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 20