Narcissist's Interview - Excerpts Part 17 - Narcissist and Education

Written by Sam Vaknin

Q: Do you think NPD is more widespread than most people belief?

A: When one is preoccupied with NPD - it is only natural to see pathological narcissism everywhere. I think that NPD is as rare as the APA makes it out to be - less than 1% of the adult population. But narcissistic TRAITS are very common, very widespread and form part and parcel or even the foundation stone of many other mental health disorders. Many otherwise healthy or normal people display clear narcissistic characteristics and behaviours. I believe that up to 10-15% of the adult population is affected.

Q: I understand you're a big Kafka fan. Throughout his work, there's a sense of doomed grandiosity; his case will never be resolved; and he will never gain entrance to the castle. (your response?)

A: Kafka's greatest lesson to us, students of human nature, is that we are all on trial, that the verdict is irrelevant, that we are guilty and that the trial itself - its interminable length, its capriciousness, its nightmarish quality - is our punishment. But Kafka poses a dilemma to your average narcissist. He lived abjectly and miserably. There is the suffering of being a Kafka and the suffering of NOT being a Kafka (i.e., of being a nobody) - which is preferable?

Q: Are there other writers who have influenced your writing?

A: Not many. Poe, O. Henry, Saki, authors of short fiction. I read voraciously - but I forget almost everything I read immediately, fiction and non-fiction alike. I also forget completely everything I WRITE!!! It is a terrible sense of waste. Very frustrating.

Q: You've written that narcissists suffer from terrible bouts of depression (or dysphorias) when they are running short of narcissistic supply. How do you cope with these periods?

A: These dysphorias are always reactions to the diminishment of narcissistic supply. Such diminishment can be the result of the objective disappearance or attrition of sources of supply - or of the devaluation of trustworthy and available ones. In the past I used to react by frantically groping for new sources of supply. Lately, I react by withdrawing completely from the world while I try to cultivate new sources of supply which will not require contact with humans in the flesh (this interview, my mailing list, my sites, my books, my articles, other interviews). The older I become, the more my schizoid features emerge at the expense of my narcissism. I might end up being a bitter recluse. My political columns are definitely authored by a cantankerous hater and despiser of Mankind (see: http://www.ce-review.org/authorarchives/vaknin_archive/vaknin_main.html).

Q: You characterize NPD as a "post-traumatic" disorder. What similarities - and differences - do you find between NPD and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

A: I don't recall having characterized NPD as PTSD (though there is always a PTSD-like phase in the traumas endured by the narcissist in his formative years). I may have, but I don't think such a comparison is entirely convincing. NPD is ubiquitous, all-pervasive and other-orientated. PTSD is none of these. But I did say that the VICTIMS of narcissists suffer from PTSD. The differences between PNSD (Post Narcissist Stress Disorder) and PTSD are superficial - victims of narcissists have no flashbacks and the like. But the core of both reactive patterns is one and the same. Living or interacting with a narcissist - even for a short duration - is often a most harrowing experience.

Q: In "Malignant Self Love", you write: "The Narcissist does his damnedest to avoid intimacy. He constantly likes about every aspect of his life: his self, his history, his vocation and avocations, his emotions. This false information and the informative asymmetry in the relationship guarantee his informative lead, or "advantage." It seems from this statement that Narcissist is poker-faced card player who refuses to show is hand. In light of these statements, should your remarks in this interview be taken with a grain of salt? ?

A: Is this interview intimate in any sense of the word? I wasn't aware of it. To me, this is the exchange of bits and bytes for a mutual benefit. I fill in the forms (=respond to your questions) - you get to add an interview to your site. A transaction. BUT Your question IS pertinent because the narcissist is a pathological liar - that is a liar who lies for no discernible gain Additionally, the narcissist suffers from cognitive distortions. He views the world in a unique manner, imbues it with transcendent meaning, populates it with creatures of his psyche, re-orders it in accordance with his highly idiosyncratic scheme of things, attributes to people motives they never had, lashes out against the inhabitants of his paranoia and so on. In short, the narcissist is more often in the fantasy land of his grandiosity than with us, here, on earth. I did my best not to lie in this interview (it takes a conscious effort on my part). I cannot spot the cognitive distortions, needless to add.

Q: You didn't say that NPD is the same as PTSD. But you did characterize NPD as a "post traumatic" disorder, i.e., one caused by trauma. Do you think there are certain kinds of traumas that result in NPD, or are there certain kinds of people whose reaction to trauma results in NPD?

A: NPD is a new phenomenon. It was first recognized as an autonomous mental health disorder in 1980 (DSM III). There is almost no research about any aspect of pathological narcissism: epidemiology, aetiology, dynamics, prognosis, nothing. Most of my correspondence has been with victims of narcissists or people who have been interacting with them. Thus, I studied narcissism both first hand (I am a narcissist) and second hand. But the first sample - myself - is quite biased and the second one both biased and unreliable. Narcissists tend to deceive their environment, including by massively and frequently re-authoring their life narrative a biography. But, I think that the following common strands are rather "safe": Narcissists grow up in emotionally dysfunctional (though not necessarily abusive) families - no unconditional love, no validation, no affirmation, insecure parents, emotional lability of family members, capriciousness and unpredictability of conduct and a perturbed process of socialization and so on. Narcissists have been either utterly ignored, neglected, misunderstood and abused in childhood - or pampered, dotted upon and stifled in their formative years Narcissists are often the off spring of narcissistic parents (narcissism breeds narcissism). There are more male narcissists than female ones. That just about sums up what we know today about the aetiology of narcissism.