Narcissist's Interview - Excerpts Part 17 - Narcissism and Self-Loathing

Written by Sam Vaknin

Q: You write that a person suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder is deeply determined to think of his personality as unique. Yet those with NPD share a common , and sometimes readily identifiable, set of traits. Can you discuss some of those traits, and explain why they add up to a personality disorder--rather than simply a personality?

A: The last part is easy. Pathological narcissism is self-defeating and self-destructive on a consistent and long term basis. A pattern of behaviours, cognitions and emotions that leads one away from happiness is a personality disorder - not a personality. Narcissists are often dysphoric and (as recent research demonstrates) ego-dystonic (or, in plain English, they are often sad and malcontent). Their lives are a mess and often characterized by frequent losses (divorces, dismissals, failures, conflicts with authorities and the law, bankruptcies and so on). Hence the word "disorder". It is indeed comic that narcissists should think about themselves as unique. They are the most rigid, predictable and automatic group of humans I know. I think the DSM-IV (the bible of the psychiatric profession published in 1994) summed it up very nicely: A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

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Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements). Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love. Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions). Requires excessive admiration. Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favourable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations. Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends. Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes. Criteria Quoted from: American Psychiatric Association. (1994). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders, fourth edition. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association.

Q: You wrote: "Pathological narcissism has very little to do with healthy narcissism. " But aren't they both from the same source? You seem to be saying that the desire for approval, which in the case of healthy narcissism, is a kind of glue that helps create and cement relationships, becomes so overpowering as to destroy them altogether.

A: Both healthy and pathological narcissism are part of the same developmental phase. But while the former is not concerned primarily with others - the latter is absolutely other-directed. Healthy narcissism is what we call "self love", "self esteem" and "self worth". It is a constant, it requires no regulation and it is attuned to reality. It does not fluctuate with input from the outside. Pathological narcissism is everything that healthy narcissism is not. It is derived exclusively from the outside, it fluctuates widely and it is self destructive and self defeating because it gauges reality very poorly. Additionally, very often, it is connected to strong masochistic urges and to a punishing, sadistic, immature and rigid super-ego (=conscience).

Q: You wrote: " It is a malignant form of narcissism because it takes over the host and then kills it." You make NPD sound like a kind of parasite, both in the way the disorder impacts the narcissist himself, and in the parasitic attitude the narcissist then takes towards others.

A: Indeed. Pathological narcissism is parasitism. It is the unabashed, ruthless and unscrupulous exploitation of others (as sounding boards, as accumulators of past glories, as servants, as extensions of the narcissist). The narcissist idealizes, then uses, then devalues, then discards. He is the epitome of the society of waste and consumerism - with other humans as the raw materials. The narcissist colonizes, then abandons. His are viral qualities: he leverages the hosts' own assets to infect and manipulate the host. And pathological narcissism is a viral process: normal development is thwarted by the invasion and takeover of rigid defence mechanisms.

Q: In your book, "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited", you coined a whole new lexicon to describe the mechanics of NPD. Did you find that the existing psychological language fell short?

A: Pathological narcissism has been a neglected subject until the late 1970s. Even then it was the reserve of arcane psychoanalysis. With the introduction of the DSM III definition of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), pathological narcissism broke into the open. But the body of knowledge and research is still woefully inadequate and I found it so lacking that I had to invent my own language, to some extent. But the lacuna is not merely an issue of language. I believe that pathological narcissism underlies many other mental health disorders and pathologies. It can give us the first, important, clue to a unified theory of dysfunction.

Q: In addition to the metaphor of narcissists as drug addicts seeking a fix, you often use terms culled from economics to describe psychological dynamics: narcissists overinvest, devalue, attempt to gain strategic advantage, etc. Are there other ways in which your background in economics informs your psychological theories?

A: Surprisingly, these terms are borrowed, not mine. Devaluation, narcissistic supply - are not my inventions (what a narcissistic injury!). But, of course, economics, physics and philosophy (my fields) inform and form my world of metaphors. Fortunately, I am also a published author of short fiction (in Hebrew) and I even write poetry - so, I am not as dry as one might fear. But there is another angle to it: The Narcissist does view the world solely in economic and contractual terms. Deprived of access to his own emotions, the narcissist is a diligent student of other people's behaviour patterns. This is how he get his behavioural cues and clues. The narcissist is a phenomenologist and, as one, his is a cold, detached, observational world in which people transact rather than interact. To the narcissist, people are reducible codes and self interest and contract making are the twin keys to their deciphering. The narcissist behaves this way in his own life. He contracts with others, he measures their performance, protests violations, threatens litigation or sanctions. The narcissist is a businessman who is constantly trading bits of his life against narcissistic supply.