1. Abusive Parents
2. Hatred and Anger
3. Narcissistic Regression versus NPD
4. Narcissists and Abandonment
5. Deleting Past Sources of Narcissistic Supply
6. Realizations
7. Narcissism and Nihilism
8. Narcissism and Genetics

1. Abusive Parents

When abusive parents abuse - they are children again, trying to cope with their own past abuse. It is through the abuse of their children that they are trying to resolve open conflicts, to "balance the accounts", to regain a sense of justice and predictability and internal peace. If abuse is a fact of life, a natural phenomenon, an inevitability, something parents are supposed to do to their children - then all is well, past abuse hurts less, and a serenity of mind is restored. This is an accountancy of pain in which each entry is a writhing, screaming, aching child.

But the abusive parent IS such a child himself or herself. This is what makes abuse impossible to cope with emotionally. Because to do so means to have the insight that we never had caring parents, that our parents were children, and that, therefore, we were never really loved as every child deserves to be and should be.

Is it better to give life in an instant and take it away over many years - or not to give life at all? I am not sure what the answer is.

If we hate and loathe ourselves - does this preclude hating and loathing our tormentors and abusers?

Aren't they the reason we hate ourselves in the first place?

Should the fact that we share genetic material with someone shield him or her from well deserved hate, scorn, contempt, and upbraiding?

Are abusers exempt from punishment only because they were abused before? Is this the world we inhabit: mechanical, unstoppable, deterministic? No free will, no love, no forethought, no consciousness, no conscience, no sentient beings capable of remoulding themselves through inspection and introspection?

Our abusers are accountable to us, the abused - because they could have behaved differently.

In this case "love thyself" does NOT, cannot go together with "love thy parent", for instance.

If you let your abuser go, you ARE.

While if you do not - you are NOT.

Your abusing parent NEGATES you. You are like matter and anti-matter, positive and negative, acid and base. He attacked your very BEING when you were defenseless, unable to resist his doubting of your existence. And his voice keeps casting doubts on your existence, from inside. The hatred that you feel is your BIOLOGICAL reaction to this voice. HE permeated your cells first - and they react allergically, forming antibodies of hatred that begat fear (of being left alone) that begat rage.

And as long as he possesses you and inhabits you and infests you - you do NOT exist really and fully. This is the choice you are facing:

Being - but alone, or Not Being - in the company of the poltergeists of your childhood.

This is the famed Stockholm Syndrome. Hostages side with their captors rather than with the police.

I heard the view before - that shame and grief are bound together, one probably a derivative of the other - and I disagree with it strongly. Grief has for too long been considered to be an auxiliary emotion, a derivative reaction, a "reactive" sensation. In my view, it is a SPECTRUM of emotions (shame included, for instance at one's helplessness). Trying to reduce it to a one-dimensional construct is wrong. It is interesting to note that Love and Grief - the two strongest emotions known to Mankind - have been reduced this way so often.

2. Hatred and Anger

Hatred is often massively suppressed anger, ossified into the weird stalactites and stalagmites of hatred.

Hatred does not flow - anger does. Hatred is a structure - anger, a stream.

Hatred is a being, it permeates every cell. It feels so natural that it is hardly ever noticed. It speaks through anger, though. Hatred is static - anger the dynamics, its energy, its changing aspects, its holographic angles.