Narcissist and Total Institutions - Excerpts Part 12 - Narcissist and Therapy

Written by Sam Vaknin

15. Prostituting our Selves

Women who, otherwise, have struck me as charming, witty and emotionally delectable often engage in berating themselves and upbraiding their own behaviour. A random selection: "slut", "dirt" and "tramp".

It is one thing to feel bad about indiscriminate, short term, unfulfilling relationships - and another thing to mislabel oneself.

Our society is still male chauvinistic. We still maintain the infamous double standard. To engage in sex with many women is an achievement (for a man) - to do the same with men is prostitution (for a woman). To allow others to make use of your BRAIN for money is to be a consultant - to allow them to make use of your GENITALS for cash is to be a whore. To enjoy sex in the framework of an exclusive arrangement is almost mandatory - to enjoy the same with many men is considered degrading.

To sell your sexual services on an exclusive basis to one man (no matter how abusive) is to be a respectable wife - to do so serially with more than one, no matter how empathic and helpful - is to be a sinful slut.

My training is in philosophy. Each of the statements above and all of them put together are INDEFENSIBLE. No rigorous, rational and culturally independent argumentation and reasoning can yield the above conclusions. Men instilled and embedded in women these insidious control mechanism to protect their sexual exclusivity and to maintain it and to ascertain that their progeny was indeed theirs. It is moral hypocrisy to call a sexually active woman "dirt" or "whore" or "slut".

The very definition of promiscuity is highly dependent on the specific period, society or culture. In many societies and cultures in history, prostitutes officiated in RELIGIOUS rites. In others, they were considered sacred and privy to divine information. Unlimited sex constituted an integral part of many religions. In some cultures uninhibited sex was encouraged among women and taught to them from an early age. In others, guests were invited to share the host's female folk (never against their will, by the way).

Feel GOOD about your body and your sexuality. I have yet to come across something more aesthetically elating than an excited and exciting sexual woman. Don't let society, culture and the men in your life tell you what you are.

next: Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 13