Narcissistic Supply - Excerpts Part 1

Written by Sam Vaknin

Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 1

1. Why Does the Narcissist Devalue his Source of Secondary Narcissistic Supply?
2. Narcissistic Mental Health Professionals
3. How to Cope with a Narcissist
4. NPD Treatments - SSRI
5. Epidemiology of Narcissism
6. Rescue Fantasies
7. Loving a Narcissist
8. Hitler and Narcissism
9. Cultural Sensitivity of Therapists
10. NPD, Culture and Normalcy
11. Psychodynamic versus Cognitive-Behavioral Treatments
12. Bill Clinton - a Narcissist?
13. Self-Defeating and Self-Destructive Behaviours

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14. Narcissism not Curable?
15. Narcissism and Culture
16. The Vocations of Narcissists
17. Lazy Narcissists

Part 1

1.Why does the narcissist devalue his source of secondary narcissistic supply?

ONE of the reasons is what you mentioned (I wouldn't like to belong to a club which will accept me as a member syndrome). But there are many others. For instance, the narcissist resents his dependence and by devaluing the object of dependence (his spouse, for instance), he gets rid of the dissonance.

Yet another issue:

The narcissist perceives intimacy and sex as a threat to his uniqueness and specialness. EVERYONE needs sex and intimacy - it is the great equalizer. The narcissist resents this equality. He rebels.

Sex and intimacy are usually also connected to past unresolved conflicts with important primary objects (also known as parents). They invoke these conflicts, encourage transference and provoke the onset of an approach-avoidance cycle.

Later in the week, I promise to post selected passages from Jeffrey Satinover who, despite being a Jungian, has a very clear psychodynamic model of these behaviors.

2. Narcissistic Mental Health Professionals

Mental health professionals are human. Many of them suffer from mental disorders. Many of them chose their profession simply to be able to cope with their own deficiencies and problems.

Unfortunately, not many of them are sufficiently conscientious. They engage in the delicate art of therapy long before they overcome their own problems.

They bring their problematic, even sick, selves into the therapeutical setting and, in doing so, they aggravate the mental state of the patient.

Analysts are supposed to work to solve their own problems prior to practicing. Therapists are supposed to work under supervision and to refer and defer to these outsiders. an outside perspective is often very helpful to them. But not all therapists and psychiatrists adopt these professional standards and work methods. This is unfortunate.

Being subjected to therapy administered by a narcissist must be a harrowing experience. It is no different to being married to a narcissist, or being brought up by a narcissist, or to having a narcissistic parent.

Willingly choosing to continue therapy with such a person was not wise. You say as much. But now is the time to derive lessons: stay away from narcissists and even from those whom you suspect of being narcissists. And ask yourself why did you choose to stay on as things got worse. The answer to this question is important.

Don't be discouraged and do continue therapy with someone else. Your growth and personal development are important and pressing needs. You will overcome this unfortunate encounter. All the victims of narcissists do. They emerge scarred but the wiser for it.

3. How to Cope with a Narcissist

Administer a modicum of narcissistic treatment (including verbal abuse) to the narcissist - and he/she is likely to vanish in a puff of indignant smoke. Narcissists shrivel, wither and die without narcissistic supply.

Humiliation, disagreement, criticism, comparison with others, mirroring the narcissist's behavior - are all great ways of getting rid of narcissists.