Dance Macabre - The Dynamics of Spousal Abuse

Written by Dr. Sam Vaknin

Psychologically, how does someone become a victim of spousal abuse or the abuser? Insights into the dynamics of spousal abuse.

Articles Menu

II. The Mind of the Abuser

III. Condoning Abuse

IV. The Anomaly of Abuse

V. Reconditioning the Abuser

VI. Reforming the Abuser

VII. Contracting with Your Abuser

VIII. Your Abuser in Therapy

IX. Testing the Abuser

X. Conning the System

XI. Befriending the System

XII. Working with Professionals

XIII. Interacting with Your Abuser

XIV. Coping with Your Stalker

XV. Statistics of Abuse and Stalking

XVI. The Stalker as Antisocial Bully

XVII. Coping with Various Types of Stalkers

XVIII. The Erotomanic Stalker

XIX. The Narcissistic Stalker

XX. The Psychopathic (Antisocial) Stalker

XXI. How Victims are Affected by Abuse

XXII. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

XXIII. Recovery and Healing from Trauma and Abuse

XXIV. The Conflicts of Therapy

Important Comment

Most abusers are men. Still, some are women. We use the masculine and feminine adjectives and pronouns ('he", his", "him", "she", her") to designate both sexes: male and female as the case may be.

It takes two to tango - and an equal number to sustain a long-term abusive relationship. The abuser and the abused form a bond, a dynamic, and a dependence. Expressions such as "folie a deux" and the "Stockholm Syndrome" capture facets - two of a myriad - of this danse macabre. It often ends fatally. It is always an excruciatingly painful affair.

Abuse is closely correlated with alcoholism, drug consumption, intimate-partner homicide, teen pregnancy, infant and child mortality, spontaneous abortion, reckless behaviours, suicide, and the onset of mental health disorders. It doesn't help that society refuses to openly and frankly tackle this pernicious phenomenon and the guilt and shame associated with it.

People - overwhelmingly women - remain in an abusive household for a variety of reasons: economic, parental (to protect the children), and psychological. But the objective obstacles facing the battered spouse cannot be overstated.