Admittedly this performance anxiety has come to characterise most western men. Still, the narcissist experiences this anxiety so acutely and so persistently that it becomes pathological. Concurrently, the narcissist envies men who are emotionally skilled. He acknowledges his emotional infirmity and inferiority.

The narcissist is possessive and suspicious of his partner. Her (projected) departure confirms his emotional insufficiency. He envies her emotional capacity, her alternative partners. Narcissists learn about life and about themselves by generalising and by extrapolating. This is how the narcissist reaches the conclusion, following yet another separation or divorce, that he has no future with other women and no chance to form a functioning couple and to have children.

This shocks him anew, pains and saddens him. He likes these feelings. They vindicate his torturing inner voices, appease them for a while, solve the tormenting inner conflict and turmoil.

As he entertains the imaginary scenes of his spouse's infidelity the narcissist envies her (she is being gratified). He rages against her (she is violating the contract between them, she is unfair and unfriendly). The narcissist feels anxious precisely because of these feelings (had his spouse known what he feels she surely would have left him). He feels that her betrayal compromises his uniqueness.

To be replaceable and interchangeable is to be objectified and his spouse's infidelity implies that the narcissist is, indeed, replaceable. He experiences emotional annulment. He feels that it is easy to leave him because he does not exist emotionally and does not elicit emotional reactions in others. Finally, there is the universal reaction of possessiveness. This woman ("thing") was his and now it is someone else's.

The narcissist rehearses his emotional reactions to abandonment because he knows that he is going to be abandoned. The primary reaction to the ultimate fulfilment of this self-fulfilling prophecy is feeling crippled, emotionally incapacitated and drenched. The secondary reaction is anger. Only the tertiary reaction is narcissistic and possessive.

These all are direct reactions to the loss of a NSS. NSSs are the sources of the narcissist's feeling of uniqueness (a function performed by the Ego in a healthy person). When NSSs evaporate the narcissist ceases to feel unique and reacts possessively, trying to recoup the loss.

Losing a NSS means that the narcissist is dispensable, that unique (intimate) moments are, probably, duplicated with another and, thus, lose their uniqueness. The very "possession" of "his" woman helps the narcissist feel special. His companion both defines and constitutes the uniqueness of her narcissist mate. The narcissist often feels defined by his possessions, his spouse being one of them. Losing her to someone else is, in a major way, a transfer of his uniqueness to his competitor.

The narcissist wants to engage in sex and emotional bonding as much as anyone. But this gives rise to conflicts in him and he feels that he is fast and irrevocably being transformed into a "common male", a "basic animal", "not unique". The narcissistic drive is very powerful. The urgent, unconquerable desire to be different pits the narcissist's sexuality against his cravings for Narcissistic Supply.

Conflicts are bound to breed anxiety and this conflict is no different. The narcissist also experiences anxiety whenever his ego functions are threatened and whenever his sense of uniqueness is put to the test. He reacts with anxiety to routine work, to anonymity, being part of a crowd, facing professionals with superior qualifications, or intermingling with wealthy and fashionable people.

By extension, the narcissist reacts the same when the uniqueness of people whom he regards as his "assets" is threatened (for instance, when he sees them among their peers or colleagues). His anxiety drives him to pervert or odd behaviours when confronted with a competitive situation or when he has to "promote" himself (especially when others are present). His always-on anxiety severely disrupts the health and normalcy of his sexual life. The range of anxiety-related dysfunctions is astounding.

One of them is sexual abstinence.

The narcissistic defence mechanism is often a winner in the internal psychodynamics of the narcissist. The narcissist vows not to be like others. Being superhuman, the narcissist needs no one and nothing, and competes with none. He is special, so he has nothing to do with something as ordinary, as bestial, as common as sex. He is strong and thus allows no one and no thing (such as sex) to have the upper hand.

He realises that he sounds incredible, or, worse, ridiculous, and so he vows to frustrate his adversaries (for instance, women). He will be unavailable when they want him. This fulfils a dual purpose: to prove to them how different, superior and invincible he is and to sadistically punish them and delight in their despair.

The narcissist rebels against feminine expectations (and the world's). It is through this rebellion that he achieves distinction. Actually, any kind of conformist or institutionalised success is likely to prove threatening because it entails the loss of uniqueness. A conformist, routine and common way to succeed is "not unique, different, or special" and is, by definition, a direct challenge to the narcissist's grandiose fantasies.

On the beaten path, there is always someone more successful than the narcissist, dwarfing his uniqueness. A rebellion is different, it is rare, and there is no real competition. After all, there are no agreed criteria as to what constitutes a "successful rebel". Rebellion, by its nature, is not comparable, it is unique, sui generis.

But, to better understand what drives a narcissist to get his drug (NS) we must revert to his childhood.

Most narcissists are strange, inferior, and odd children. They are scorned and mocked, or feared. They are the objects of suspicion and, often, social ostracism. They are emotional invalids, pariahs and emotionally healthy children - the most conformist group of humans - react with revulsion and with rejection.