Chapter 7, The Soul of a Narcissist, The State of the Art
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Page 2 of 6
This is the reason that the narcissist prefers to be loved due to and following narcissistic circumstances. The partner is bound to fulfil the role of accumulation of Narcissistic Supply better that way. She is more likely to become a permanent NSS, thus allowing for the stable diversion of Free Libido towards the sustenance of the relationship.
The trade-off in the narcissist's relationships is a reduction in the overall Residual Libido, in the narcissist's creativity, in his drive to achieve (ambition) and even in the formation and maintenance of new NSS.
Mental Map # 5
Partner under narcissistic circumstances ("admirer")
provides accumulation of Narcissistic Supply
and becomes a (home-made) NSS.
This frees libido (Free Libido)
Free Libido diverted to the relationship ("I love her")
Residual Libido reduced by the amount of diverted Free Libido
NSSs dwindle (narcissist feels "No one is interested in me")
Free Libido expropriated and Residual Libido enhanced
("I must become famous again")
New NSS formed (workaholism, publicity)
Abandonment by partner
("You are absent, the relationship is empty")
Another partner attracted to narcissistic circumstances
This could help clear a few misconceptions:
1. The narcissist does not try to be successful and famous in order to "make it" with women. Success with the objects of sexual desire is a pleasant by-product due to the formation of Free Libido.
2. The narcissist cannot be blamed for not being able to do both things simultaneously – maintain a relationship and succeed in his job, for instance. He has a very limited amount of available libido.
3. To the narcissist, sex is imbued with emotion. Some narcissists tend to label sex as "dirty" and "degrading". It carries with it the possibility of abandonment and the negation of the narcissist's uniqueness. Sex could lead to a relationship of dependence from which the narcissist is unable to extract himself. The narcissist does not have any interest in sex devoid of a narcissistic correlate. Even then his interest in conventional mating is low.
Cerebral narcissists regard the risk to reward ratio involved in sex as high. Too great an investment is needed compared to the reward and this also entails a disruption of the creation of PNSS.
Sex, of course, is a peak of intimacy and the narcissist is afraid of closeness, even in a casual relationship. Some narcissists are, therefore, described as asexual or frigid.
4. PNSS and SNSS are linked by association in clusters. Libido is directed at these clusters and complex behaviours can be easily explained by mapping the interconnectedness of PNSS and SNSS within the clusters and the relationships between the clusters themselves.
5. A long absence of PNSS and an inability to divert the Free Libido to search for additional sources (because of an existing relationship) lead to narcissistic frustration and to aggression. This frustration-aggression cycle brings about the breakdown of the relationship.
Mental Map # 6
Frustrating and tormenting Primary Object leads to
a Narcissistic Defence (anticathexis) which is the Grandiose False Self.
Narcissistic Defences (anticathexis) faced with an object of idealisation:
Cathexis (most of the libido, some of the aggression)
Cathexis (most of the aggression, some of the libido)
Splitting and Projective Identification (defence mechanisms)
External regulation of self-esteem and of ego functions (volatility, discontinuity)
Self-Destruction
(Obeying a sadistic and punishing Superego,
part of an unresolved Oedipal Conflict, a Repetition Complex)
Creation of Transference Relationships with women (leading to abandonment)
and with authority figures (leading to punishment)
End result of all the above:
Demolition of the relationship
(re-enactment of the unresolved Oedipal Conflict,
fear of abandonment which leads to it)
But why does the narcissist "prefer" NSS to a relationship? Why not the other way around? After all, a woman partner can fulfil most of the functions of a NSS more reliably and more believably. We are forced to conclude that the narcissist's optimisation algorithms have gone astray, that something has gone awry with his rational apparatus.
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Last Updated( Mar 01, 2010 )
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reviewed by:
Harry Croft, MD (Psychiatrist)
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