Chapter 7, The Soul of a Narcissist, The State of the Art - Concept of Narcissistic Regulation

Written by Dr. Sam Vaknin

The two cycles of Narcissistic Supply emerge:

1. PNSS - Overvaluation - a PN Space Grandiosity Gap - Devaluation - Primary Drive to obtain PNSS - obtaining PNSS - Narcissistic Supply.

2. Grandiosity Gap - Secondary drive to obtain SNSS - obtaining SNSS - stabilisation, regulation and accumulation of Narcissistic Supply - Overvaluation - and so on and so forth.

Mental Map # 8

Notes and remarks to the map:

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1. The partner fulfils the function of Narcissistic Accumulation by serving as a kind of external memory available and accessible to the narcissist. This ready supply encourages his addiction and enhances it.
The partner herself is an SNSS. She provides Narcissistic Supply through adulation, submissiveness and by making the narcissist feel that he is superior. Thus, she fortifies his feeling of being unique.

2. Sometimes the partner ceases to fulfil her SNSS functions (ceases to admire the narcissist, or to stabilise his NS by acting as an external, living witness to his grand moments and exploits). This also happens when the partner is not sophisticated or educated enough to provide the narcissist with meaningful admiration (adulation which does not sound hollow or contrived). She then provides defective or partial accumulation.
Another possibility is when "familiarity breeds contempt". The physical proximity between the narcissist and his sources eliminates the information gap (mystique), the affective asymmetry, and the source's emotional ability to admire the narcissist. This is the most realistic threat posed by intimacy.
Non-functioning or dysfunctional SNSSs are caused by the loss of information asymmetry (loss of the elements of distance and mystery which are a prerequisite to any adulation). The narcissist much prefers admiration to intimacy and he often finds that the latter negates the former.

3. When there are no PNSSs around, there is nothing to admire or to accumulate. The presence of PNSSs forms an addictive habit, which facilitates the existence of constant SNSSs. The latter regulate the flow of NSSs over time. They smooth the bumps in the supply curve. When rendered non-functioning, the SNSSs really become anti-narcissistic agents. The "dysfunctional" partner's mere presence is a constant reminder of the narcissist's failure to sustain a flow of NS through the PNSSs.

The partner in such a (narcissistically) sorry state becomes a passive anti-narcissistic agent. Her accumulated past Narcissistic Supply provokes a deficiency dysphoria in the narcissist. When he compares his current situation (obscurity, for instance) with his past (fame), as evidenced and accumulated by the SNSSs, he becomes dysphoric. He feels how deficient his NS is at this stage.

The partner is also transformed into an active anti-narcissistic agent by criticising the narcissist and by humiliating him. This is part and parcel of the transference relationship and of the recreation of the Oedipal Conflict.

This, naturally, leads to the erosion of intimacy.

In many ways the narcissist's relationships are booby-trapped. On the one hand, he wants to have a sophisticated, educated, independent, and accomplished woman to be his partner. Only adulation which emanates from such a source has any meaning at all. But the likelihood of finding such a partner who would also be willing to fulfil the SNSS functions (adulation, submissiveness, playing the inferior so as to accentuate the narcissist's superiority) is minimal.