Notes to the Table:

The narcissist is almost always the Purely Sexual Communicator. This, obviously, is a gross over-simplification. Still, it provides insights into the mating mechanism of the narcissist.

The narcissist's is usually infantile, either because of a fixation (pre-genital or genital) or due to an unresolved Oedipal Conflict. The narcissist tends to separate the sexual from the emotional. He can have a lot of great sex as long as it is devoid of emotional content.

The narcissist's sexual life is likely to be highly irregular or even abnormal. He sometimes leads an asexual life with a partner who is merely a platonic "friend". This is the result of what I call "approach avoidance infantilism".

There are grounds to believe that many narcissists are latent homosexuals. Conversely, there are grounds to believe that many homosexuals are repressed or outright pathological narcissists. At the extreme, homosexuality may be a private case of (somatic) narcissism. The homosexual makes love to himself and loves himself in the form of a same-gender object.

The narcissist treats others as objects. His "meaningful" other performs ego substitution functions for the narcissist. This is not love. Indeed, the narcissist is incapable of loving anyone, especially not himself.

In his relationships, the narcissist is hard-pressed to maintain both continuity and availability. He promptly develops acutely felt saturation points (both sexual and emotional). He feels shackled and trapped and escapes, either physically or by becoming emotionally and sexually absent. Thus, one way or the other, he is never there for his significant other.

Moreover, he prefers sex with objects or object representations. Some narcissists prefer masturbation (objectifying the body and reducing it to a penis), group sex, fetish sex, paraphilias, or paedophilia to normal sex.

The narcissist treats his mate as a sex object, or a sex slave. Often a verbal, or emotional, or physical abuser, he tends to mistreat his partner sexually as well.

This separation of the emotional from the sexual makes it difficult for the narcissist to have sex with people that he believes that he loves (though he never really does love). He is terrified and repelled by the idea that he has to objectify the subject of his emotions. He separates his sexual objects from his emotional partners - they can never be the same people.

The narcissist is thus conditioned to deny his nature (as a Purely Sexual Communicator) and a cycle of frustration-aggression is set in motion.

Narcissists brought up by conservative parents, who castigated sex as dirty and forbidden, adopt the ways of the Transactional Communicator. They tend to look for someone "stable, to set up a home with". But this negates their true, repressed, nature.

True partnership, a veritable, equitable transaction, does not allow for the objectification of the partner. To succeed in a partnership, the two partners must share an insightful and multidimensional view of each other: strengths and weaknesses, fears and hopes, joy and sadness, needs and choices. Of this the narcissist is incapable.

So, he feels inadequate, frustrated, and, consequently, fearful that he might be abandoned. He transforms this internal turmoil into deep-seated aggression. Once in a while the conflict reaches critical levels and the narcissist has fits of rage, emotionally deprives the partner, or humiliates her/him. Acts of violence - verbal or physical - are not uncommon.

The narcissist's position is untenable and unenviable. He knows - albeit he normally represses this information - that his partner disagrees with being treated as an object, sexual or emotional. Merely gratifying the narcissist does not form an edifice for a long lasting relationship.

But the narcissist is in dire need of stability and emotional certainty. He craves not to be abandoned or abused again. So, he denies his nature in a desperate plea to cheat both himself and his partner. He pretends - and sometimes he succeeds in misleading himself into believing - that he is interested in a true partnership. He really does his best, careful not to broach touchy issues, always consulting the partner in making decisions, and so on.

But inside, he harbours growing resentment and frustration. His "lone wolf" nature is bound to manifest itself, sooner or later. This conflict between the act the narcissist puts on in order to secure the longevity of his relationships and his true character is likely more often than not to result in an eruption. The narcissist is bound to become aggressive, if not violent. The shift from benevolent lover-partner to a raging maniac - a "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" effect - is terrifying.

Gradually, the trust between the partners is shattered and the way to the narcissist's worst fears - abandonment, emotional desolation and the dissolution of the relationship - is paved by the narcissist himself!