QUESTION:

My wife is in her 30's. We've been married two years; they have been an emotional roller coaster. I have witnessed in her rage out of proportion, violence, self-pity, suicide threats, control/manipulation tactics, accusations that I am controlling, blame-shifting (i.e., I am the reason for her sadness and problems, etc.), vulgar speech, histrionics, screaming at the top of her lungs, and more. She was married twice before. Her past relationships have been volatile, and she has been abused -- mentally and physically -- at the hands of her father and ex-husband. She also has Graves Disease. She is pregnant, and the hormonal changes sometimes produce more pronounced exhibitions of anger. Jane is depressed and repeatedly speaks of how unhappy she is. She has kicked me out of the house, only to beg me to return the following day. On occasion, she drinks, even though she knows she shouldn't while she's pregnant. QUESTION: Although she refuses to return to marital counseling, and she won't face the possibility of having a possible problem, what can be done for her? Is it possible that she suffers from BPD?

DR. HELLER'S ANSWER:

Highly likely. I strongly recommend you print the front cover of my first book "Life at the Border" and let her find it on her own. Prozac, not alcohol, is considered safe during pregnancy and will have some effects right away. Her thyroid of course is making things worse. Some serious work suggests that hostility during pregnancy negatively affects the baby for the rest of his/her life. Borderlines are suffering neurologically - it's not their fault and they need to know hope exists.

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