QUESTION:

Dear Dr. Heller,

I don't know what to do anymore. She can be happy and tell me how much she loves me one minute and the next minute she can be so cold and tell me she hates me. She had a childhood where she felt neglected, and she came from a physically abusive marriage. I try to be as comforting to her as I can, but all she does is get angry at me and tell me that I push her buttons and make her do these things. Even though she goes to counseling, I am not sure how well it is working. She left one counselor we saw together because she felt she was on my side. She now hates even hearing her name. She goes to a new counselor by herself who she likes, but it doesn't seem to have the same good effect as the first counselor.

Our arguments become like clockwork. Whenever she is in a certain mood (worried or anxious), I can tell that it will end in an argument. Just tonight she didn't like that I didn't want to have a carriage ride at our wedding reception. She immediately says that I must not want to share that special moment together after the ceremony. I told her I didn't know that the moment was so special to her and that we should then take the carriage ride. She became very distant and silent. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me to shut up and all I do is run my mouth. Then she preceded to tell me that I was wrong in thinking that she was angry or upset. I asked her to please explain to me what she was feeling, and she said she didn't want to talk anymore. I feel like every time I have something to say that she doesn't like she will cut me off and tell me to shut up. I try and listen to her even when she is yelling in my face. Please help me. I don't know what to do anymore. Even though she is going to therapy, it doesn't seem to help, and it is destroying me on the inside.

Thanks.

DR. HELLER'S ANSWER:

You are almost certainly dealing with the BPD, which is a form of epilepsy in the brain's trapped cornered animal response within the limbic system. Her mood swings are out of her control and she desperately needs medication.
(How Do I Inform Someone that He / She Has the BPD?) will be of enormous assistance.

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