QUESTION:

I, like so many others like me have been on roller coasters for a long time. I have been fortunate enough with medication and the strength of being a survivor to at least make two steps forward for each step backward. However ....... I seem to be in a never ending battle of overwhelming feelings of affection which of course become sexual with my therapists. I barely recovered from my first episode ten years ago.

I have now found myself in another such situation in which I am sexually involved with my therapist. This time, however, I was completely aware of what I was doing, knew the consequences of the broken trust but was unable to control myself. I would never hurt this therapist by exposing him and accept my part of the responsibility for the pain inflicted on me.

I am afraid that there is no cure for me. I am on medications that help but even so I am once again in the throes of feeling betrayed, used, unloved and unworthy. I know I need professional help but will not risk any chance of getting him into what would be serious trouble. The first incidence was with a truly evil man that repeated this behavior over and over again with many patients. I did report this exploitation only to see that nothing was done to stop him from continuing this abusive behavior. This time I believe that the therapist is not an evil man but simply a man whose boundaries collapsed with me. I am very good at "seduction."

I am seeing another therapist (a female) but I have not told her of my sexual contact with this man. I am afraid that she will have an ethical or legal obligation to report him. Is this so? I am torn. I need to deal with this but don't want to drag him, his family, and the destruction of his career forward in order to work on this problem for myself? How can I get help without myself betraying someone else's trust?

DR. HELLER'S ANSWER:

If you like and respect this therapist I think telling the truth is warranted. The therapist needs to know of your history and to let you know if she's willing to help you overcome this problem - and you must overcome it. If you don't want to give her the therapist's name, then don't - that's your choice.

Most importantly is you have to genuinely love yourself. Generally people in your situation look to others to give them the love they needed as a child and/or are unable or unwilling to give to themselves.

The other principles remain the same: get all the diagnoses made and treated medically, learn to like and love yourself and retrain your brain to work towards you. I do congratulate you on your successes and strongly encourage you to continue.

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