QUESTION:

My wife has been diagnosed with BPD. She has eating disorders, has tried to commit suicide on numerous occasions, has been investigated or detained for disturbing the peace, harassment of a co-worker, shoplifting, domestic violence towards me (including while I was holding the baby). She used to harm herself too. She has taken the child and "disappeared" for months. She HAD been under counseling and was on Paxil, but has since refused treatment. Because she has refused treatment, I have ended our marriage.

Because of poor impulse control, and her tendency towards violence, I do not think she is safe for her to be in a relationship with our 3 year old daughter. I feel also that her behavior may be a bad influence. I think there may be abduction issues in the future.

I do not want to deprive my daughter from her mothers love, nor possibly hurt my ex-wives prognosis, by restricting visits. However, because of safety issues, I have grave reservations about contact between them.

1. Should she have any visits at all until she has a medical and psychological waiver, and/or is taking meds?
2. If there is visitation, would it be a good idea for I or someone else supervises the visit?

DR. HELLER'S ANSWER:

You are asking a legal question, not a medical one - and I only have your side of the story.

If what you are saying is true and she refuses medication the courts and social agencies need to step in. You need to get yourself and the child in counseling ASAP! A therapist will likely be able to help you get direction in this regard. From what you described it's not the BPD that's the problem, but her underlying character may be the problem. That is indeed an issue for the courts to decide. They will also need to evaluate you and your fitness as a parent as well. There are no easy answers.

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