Is My Mother Mentally Ill?

Written by Dr. Leland Heller

QUESTION:

Dear Dr. Heller,

I feel foolish writing. I can't say I have a question as much as a concern. I love my mother dearly. But she is getting harder to tolerate. I don't know if she has a mental illness or if I'm just not being tolerant of her.

My mother has a long history, her father walked out on her family when she was a small child, she was raised by an unaffectionate mother, she was sexually molested as a child. She married (my father) and started having children when she was barely 16. She and dad had were always on and off again. Dad ended up in prison after 15 years of marriage, which took mom and us four kids through many marriages and violent men. My mother is now 50 and has been married 7 times (counting my dad twice), and lived with one man for about six months. She is still married to #7 but it looks as if it's on the down hill.

She is extremely moody - one moment she is happy and laughing and the next she will be mad and screaming. If you don't agree with what she says she will go off the wall. She has been known to lock herself in the bathroom, to run down the street, throw things, tell her children she never wants to see them again, hit the men she is married to (usually later saying they hit her, which is true sometimes but not always), and you never know what or when she will be set off. She is very controlling, and it is easier to let her do it than to face her explosions (she's not going to hear anything being said anyhow).

My mother is very active in church and is very serious about helping people. When she is good she is very very good and truly means it. She keeps her house immaculate. Material things mean nothing. She enjoys buying nice things but when she gets tired of them she just gives them away. My mother is an RN and is very respected by the people she works with and takes care of. But she never stays at a job for very long. She moves to a new home every six months to a year. She confides in me but rarely asks me how I am. She is very jealous of anybody else in my life and will try to cause trouble in a sneaky "helpful" way. She makes me feel guilty if I don't listen to her. She has been confiding in me since I was a small child. I am afraid of her in a mental way. She can be very mean. She thinks she is fine and that everyone else has a problem.

DR. HELLER'S ANSWER:

The moodiness and many other symptoms sound like the BPD, although there isn't enough information in your letter to make that diagnosis.

You might want to also look up the histrionic and narcissistic personality disorders. The narcissistic disorder is particularly problematic because their defense and thinking process revolve around superiority and inferiority. A superior person is someone who recognizes and believes in the narcissists superiority. They are very hard to treat because it's everyone else's problem.

next: Can You Answer BPD Questions About A Young Friend? ~ back to: Borderline Personality Disorder FAQs Table of Contents.