Question:

My girlfriend made me read your website and I agree I'm borderline. She said if I don't take medicine she's going to leave me. I know I get really angry, but I only hit her twice and she was really yelling at me and hit me the first time. I love her and I think I'll die without her. It's really unfair. I feel taking medicine is a crutch and I'm against it. I want her to accept me for who I am, not being a zombie from drugs. Besides marijuana really relaxes me and makes me better so I don't need to take drugs. Can't a BPD just use marijuana and be accepted for who we are?

DR. HELLER'S ANSWER:

1. You have the right to stay the way you are and not change. Like everything else in life you have to balance the benefits against the costs. You likely have an anger problem that's going to get you into significant legal trouble. The courts generally rule that violent mentally ill people who refuse treatment need to be kept away from the general population. If you have the BPD, you become psychotic under stress and the rage can get out of control. I've dealt with a few murder cases that were very similar to yours. The disorder will cause problems with work/career, friends and love relationships. It's also unlikely that your girlfriend will stay with you permanently with the anger and mood swings. She'll likely eventually get into some counseling and figure out that it's not safe or appropriate to stay with a violent or hostile mate (it's possible she needs medical treatment as well). What benefits do you see for yourself staying untreated?
2. Many BPD patients believe marijuana "relaxes" them. It's highly illegal and can result in jail time and a permanent criminal record. It also causes weight gain, lung disease when smoked, and can result in a lack of motivation. If scared while under the influence of marijuana, borderlines can become extremely psychotic.
3. The medications to treat the BPD are mostly generic and inexpensive. They're also considerably safer than not treating the disorder or taking marijuana. I recommend to my BPD patients who resist medication that they should try the right dose and compare how you feel on the medications compared to off them. The medications should not cause you feeling like a "zombie" - although marijuana certainly can.

next: Marijuana Addiction (No-BPD) ~ back to: Borderline Personality Disorder FAQs Table of Contents