QUESTION:

Dear Dr. Heller,

I have a young friend who has been diagnosed with BPD. (Although, having read from the web, it sounds to me as though she also has what seems to be termed "character disorder"). I feel she is currently "drinking in last chance saloon" and that if something drastic isn't done very quickly she will end up very seriously on the wrong side of the law. She is lying, spending ridiculously (with money obtained from we know not where), abusing drugs in a big way, etc.. She is 27 years old. I have known her since she was two (she is the same age as my youngest) and it breaks my heart to see her like this. She suffered a crisis last Friday and I finally managed to get her re-admitted to the hospital - really just to know she was somewhere safe over the weekend, but the doctors say they will probably only keep her until Tuesday morning (12th June).

Unless something is found for her by then, (and, of course unless she agrees to go along with it) she will have to go back to her flat where she lives on her own. I think that she will then be likely to be beyond help.

She is not my child. She blames her mother for what has happened to her and therefore will not speak to her. Her father has had almost as much as he can take. She also has a nine year old illegitimate child who has been in foster care for the last six months or so. The child (a boy) has attention deficit syndrome.

I would do a lot to help her but I cannot continue to bank roll her. I have my own children - one of who has a high level language disorder, so has his own problems - and I really don't think I will be able to do much more. The lying - not the least over money and, of course, drugs - is one of the things that makes it most difficult to help.

So, please:
1. Do you know how I obtain a list of doctors in the UK who specializes in BPD. I haven't found any on the web.

2. Is there a link between BPD and Attention Deficit Disorder? Is it likely that the child of someone with BPD will have Attention Deficit Disorder?

3. Can you offer any suggestions as to what could, practicably, be done?

4. If she does have "character disorder", what is the treatment?

DR. HELLER'S ANSWER:

1. I don't know of anyone in the UK.

2. There is a strong link, perhaps as much as 50/50. It's not likely that someone with just the BPD will have a child with attention deficit disorder, but that the parent also has attention deficit disorder.

3. She is probably going to have to experience profound consequences before or if she changes her outlook on life and her character. Not getting dragged down yourself may be your smartest approach.

4. A character disorder means the person is willing to lie, cheat, steal, etc. to get what he/she wants. It is considered untreatable unless the person develops a profound change in values - often through a spiritual approach.

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