BPD Relationship

Written by Dr. Leland Heller

QUESTION:

My loved one has just been diagnosed with BPD two years ago, been in recovery from alcoholism for 2 years, is on BPD cocktail (When I say borderline cocktail I mean the usual meds, Prozac, Trazodone, valporic acid, and one -mg antipsychotic), and is 54 years old. He still does extreme push-pull, denies being BPD, says I'm BPD and freezes me

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out when I tried to form a deeper commitment, not that I'm sure I want one now. I'm about worn out and it's happened twice already. He has a shrink and yet doesn't seem to make much progress in relationships. He has no friends, no roommate, no pets. The last problem was when I gave him a puppy for his birthday! We haven't been speaking since. I do not understand why everything I do seems suspect to him. How do I deal with this maybe just on a friendship level, because I give up on anything more? He also says he feels controlled by me because I ask him to look at his issues. I just can't handle the severe rage, verbal abuse, and freeze-outs he does.

It's hard to take, and therapy doesn't seem to be helping. Help?

DR. HELLER'S ANSWER:

The meds seem wrong. I've never seen anyone with the BPD do well on that regimen. There is some reduction in hostility, but nothing impressive. He needs all his diagnoses made and treated. The most useful thing I've found is to print up the front cover of my book "Life at the Border" - it's available at this website. Let him look at it. You'll likely find out from doing this whether there is hope for this relationship or not. The BPD is a medical problem he neither caused nor asked for. He has to want to be better, however. I treat many people in their 50's and age is absolutely not a factor.

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