QUESTION:

Please advise me on the issue of transference. I have been diagnosed with BPD (Axis 1), NPD (Axis 2) and Atypical Major Depression (Axis 3). I have been seeing a Psychiatrist for two years. I met him in a mental hospital after I was committed there on an involuntary basis after I tried to kill myself. I became so impressed in his charm and warmth that I requested to see him in private practice after my release. I find that I cannot stop thinking about him at all these days. I am a Law student at the University of Sydney but I have performed poorly lately because my life has centered around him. During our sessions I believe that he is sexually attracted to me by his looks and off-hand remarks regarding sexuality. I feel that I am not seeing things that aren't there. Of late, I am becoming more turned on by his advances. I feel wonderful! What is so ethically wrong with a relationship between the two of us. I feel that he is the only person who knows the real me, and this is why! he is so good for me. I don't feel like he is taking advantage of me, as I am getting a lot in return. What are your thoughts?

DR. HELLER'S ANSWER:

In most countries it's not just ethically wrong, it's illegal and can cost the health care practitioner his license and his freedom. This is because patients are potentially very vulnerable and are attracted to an individual who seems genuinely interested in them.

Your obsessions are potentially very dangerous to both of you. Nothing good can come out of this situation. You need to move on to your own life, to find someone who likes and loves you for who you are and not because of a rescue situation. It's best to have someone who "knows you" because they are an equal and have chosen to spend the time and energy getting to know you.

Transference in psychoanalytic terms means misinterpreting the therapist as someone else, usually as a father in this case.

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