QUESTION:

My daughter is 17 years old and is a very unhappy person. It seems nothing that her father and I do seem to help. We have tried to work with her as she gets older only to be treated terribly through her anger and foul mouth. She has told me that she is miserable and has no friends and is confused. Two weeks ago she became so angry because I had punished her for breaking yet another curfew and had also told me that she got into a fight w/ someone she met at a friend's house (trying to piece that story together is another discussion) and was punished from using the phone or going out.

She demanded the phone and after I refused to give it to her - she got extremely angry and hit me, after I hit her back, she went into this screaming mode. She then proceeded on throwing things, hit her computer which in turn broke a window, dented walls in several places. At that point I told her that she needed to leave - she planned on that any way. She takes no responsibility for her actions, demonstrates lack of remorse. - It seems that every time she goes out with her boyfriend - she comes back in agitated and not happy. She is manipulative and demonstrates a lack of emotional maturity.

The majority of the time we do anything together, she is miserable especially if she doesn't get her way. Two weeks later she broke curfew again, this time we told her not to come home after we located her ;she then hung up the phone; then called back to inform us that her friend's parent were not there- a rule which we have told her several times. To make a long story short, her friend brought her home b/c she could not stay there - and of course we would not let her come in, she wanted clothes but that was out of the question... She managed to run into the house, into her room were she was removed by her father and put out the door. She then preceded to break a light, cursed us terrible and threatened to kill us.

She is seeing a therapist who has informed us to bring her in the hospital should that happen again. I have never seen such an angry person and we have a 11 year old who is trying to remain hopeful that this will pass b/c he loves his sister dearly. What can I do?

DR. HELLER'S ANSWER:

She may need hospitalization as her behavior is out of control. The story is clearly consistent with the BPD with chronic dysphoria. Chronic depression and attention deficit disorder seem likely as well. She needs all her diagnoses made and treated ASAP.

Tragedy is definitely a possibility without treatment, and I encourage you to find out what her diagnoses are, learn as much about them as you can, and get her treated ASAP!

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