QUESTION:
How can a family member help their loved one who is diagnosed with BPD if they refuse to take their Meds, call their dr. when in crisis and is threatening to harm another [should this threat be taken seriously or is it just a test] has been in treatment for alcoholism, yet refuses meetings and is back on the bottle [over a quart of vodka a day] and says they want to die. They isolate, unplugs the phone, won't talk about what is happening so that you can at least try to talk them out of destructive actions, and every suggestion you make to them they refuse to try. The only thing he wants is for me to come over there and I'm tired and sick and just don't have the energy to do this again, I feel he has to help himself. Can you give me any suggestions at all on how to handle this. He said he quit drinking for one day after being back on the bottle for 2 weeks, and he was so paranoid, all he could do is sit in the window, watching and watching. Then he began thinking about killing this man who had not kept a promise, the more he thought about it the angrier he got to the point he really was serious about using a knife on the man. I am not family by marriage or blood, just a close friend, and I'm the only person this isolated individual will reach out to. If I tried to OED him, he will never trust me again, he unplugs the phone, and sees and talks to none but me. His mother had him committed the last time, and he is very afraid of being hospitalized. I really am afraid to go around him when he gets this way, it feels like too much responsibility for me, since I'm recuperating from surgeries. I called the shrink, and she is not willing to take responsibility for him, should I call his blood family in on the scene and take a chance at betraying him? How can I help him to help himself?
DR. HELLER'S ANSWER:
Your friend has lost hope. He probably hasn't committed suicide because of some deep seeded hope that an answer may exist. The front cover of my first book "Life at the Border" can be printed from this website. Just seeing that may be of help, as he will undoubtedly recognize the symptoms and my optimistic title that continues "Understanding and Recovering from the Borderline Personality Disorder." After that offer to show him this website, which is full of hope. Both of my books will be of help to him.
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