BPD and Co-dependency

Written by Dr. Leland Heller

QUESTION:

This is a very hard thing for me to do, but I find it extremely important to ask you these following questions. I have fallen in love with a girl who I believe to have BPD. She is 17 and I am 19. She even admits to having problems (drugs, sexual past, etc). This mainly concerns me being her boyfriend because there is a lot of hearsay going around about her cheating on me. Obviously I would break up with her, but I don't know if this is the best thing for her.

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One being I am the only guy that has shown her "true" unconditional love which she tells me all the time. What should I do about this situation? I have studied BPD on the internet extensively to know that she most likely suffers from this disorder. In this situation I almost feel responsible for her future because I care deeply for her despite her actions. I know that I have not given you enough details to clearly say to that she has BPD, but I can tell you every symptom of BPD lines up with her personality. Please help me decide the best thing I should do and the way I should go about it.

DR. HELLER'S ANSWER:

You need to get some professional help for yourself ASAP! You are falling into the rescuer role with someone who may not be ready to be rescued. By feeling responsible for her you are losing track of being responsible for yourself. Even if you stay together, you'll never be successful unless you do things for the right reasons and because you understand your feelings, intentions, and motivations. You are exhibiting what is called "co-dependent" behavior.

next: Children of Those Who Suffer From the BPD ~ back to: Borderline Personality Disorder FAQs Table of Contents