Children of Parents with Mental Illness Need Resilience

Children of parents with a mental illness face many challenges. Increasing the child's level of resilience can lead to a healthier outcome. Learn how to do that.

Children, Mental Illness and Resilience

Evidence shows that children are often very resilient when faced with adversity, such as having a parent with a mental illness. Resilience in children is defined as the likelihood that a child will succeed, even when faced with a risky or harmful situation.

Protective Factors

Protective factors are personal characteristics that increase resilience and reduce the chances that a child will develop emotional or behavioral problems in response to a difficult situation. Though your child has characteristics that you may be unable to change (for example, their genetic makeup and temperament), all children have protective factors that you, as a parent, can foster.

Protective factors that increase resilience include:

• Knowledge that the parent is ill and that the child is not to blame
• Parents' willingness to get treatment for their illness
• Help and support from family members
• A stable home environment
• Psychotherapy for the child and parent
• A sense of being loved by the ill parent
• Positive self-esteem and a sense of competence
• Inner strength and good coping skills in the child
• Strong relationships with healthy adults
• Friendships and positive peer relationships
• Interest in and success at school
• Healthy interests and talents outside the home
• Help from outside the family to improve the family environment
• Good physical health and positive body image
• Positive experiences with spirituality and religion

What Can I Do as a Parent

1. Talk openly to your child about your mental illness in an age-appropriate manner. Make sure your child knows that he/she is not to blame for your illness. Listen to your child's concerns and give your child ample opportunity to express his/her feelings. Make clear to your child that you are seeking treatment and working towards recover.
2. Help your child with homework and encourage them in school. Get to know teachers, be involved in your child's school and monitor your child's attendance. A strong educational foundation and increased parent involvement in education leads to better health for your child.
3. Encourage extra-curricular activities for your child. Foster their talents. This will help to increase your child's self-esteem.
4. Develop a network of friends and family that you and your child can realy on. Allowing friends and family to help with some activities, such as housework and transportation, will give you and your child more time to seek treatment or spend time together. If you are part of a religious organization, encourage your child to become involved in the religious community and to develop his or her sense of spirituality.
5. Take a parenting skills course or attend a parenting support group. Studies show that self-help groups and support groups can speed your recovery. Your local Mental Health Association can direct you to groups for parents with mental illnesses. Even if there is not a group specifically designed for parents, attending a self-help or support group on mental illness can be very beneficial.
6. Promote positive experiences with your child. Take time to play with your child. Participate in activities together to stay connected as a family. These experiences will strengthen family relationships and help your child to weather the difficult times. As much as possible, avoid exposing children to hostility between yourself and your partners or others.
7. Formulate a child-care plan, advance directives and/or a wellness plan in the event that you need to be hospitalized. As a parent, you should create a child care plan that specifies the names and contact information of people who have agreed to care for your child/ren in the event of an emergency. Go over these plans with your child especially the child care plan, so that your child/ren know what to expect in the event of an acute episode of your illness. Learn more about care planning by using the resources listed at the end.
8. Encourage your child to develop friendships of his/her own. Welcome your child's friends in your home and teach your child how to nurture these relationships.
9. If necessary, encourage your child to talk to a psychotherapist or include him or her in your psychotherapy. This will give your child an opportunity to express his hears and concerns relate to your mental illness, and will give him a non-judgmental environment in which to seek support.
10. Remember, first and foremost, that you are the parent, and that your child needs you to be the primary caregiver. Do not force your child to take on a care-giving role for which he or she is not prepared.