Help For Parents and Teachers On Dealing With Bullies and School Violence - How to Help Your Child Deal with a Bully

Written by Kathy Noll

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A Lot of Parents Have Been Asking Me What To Do About "Bus Bullies!"

There are many different things that could be tried in this situation.School Bus Bullies Ideas for what your kids can do include three options:

confront
ignore
avoid

They should be used in that order except if the bullies are physically violent, then "avoid" is the safest choice.

There are many things your child could say back to the bullies:

"Name calling isn't cool"

"I don't want to fight. Can't we be friends instead?"

"Why are you mad at me? I never hurt you."

Bullies usually like the effect they get when they shock or hurt someone. Maybe if your child just laughed it off, like they are joking, they would get tired of calling him/her names and it wouldn't seem fun (or effective) anymore.

If it keeps up, and nothing your child says helps, and ignoring and avoiding don't work AND the school won't get involved, then you will have to contact the parents of the "name callers."

Bullies don't always have a reason for who they pick on or why, but when they *do* have a reason, it usually results in them singling out a smaller person. This would include kids who are not as tall, and most definitely would include younger kids, who obviously would be smaller. This makes you easier to control. And today there are a lot of cases of older kids picking on younger kids on the school buses.

In those cases, I recommend sitting far away from the bully. If the seats are assigned, ask to have them changed. If they are not assigned, ask to have them assigned. If that doesn't work, inform the school and ask the bus driver to get involved. Some bus drivers are asked by the school to intervene. They do this by having the trouble kids sit up front where they can keep a good eye on them in the mirror. However, the bus driver has a job to do which requires the safety of many lives, so if the bullying gets so bad that he/she has to keep turning around or yelling at kids all the time, the perpetrators should be suspended from the bus for the safety of all.

For Teachers and Parents of Bullies - Some Useful Questions to Ask:

What did you do?
Why was that a bad thing to do?
Who did you hurt?
What were you trying to accomplish?
Next time you have that goal, how will you meet it without hurting anybody?
How will you help the person you hurt?

These questions will help them to: Acknowledge their own actions and the consequences they have on themselves and others, develop shame and guilt ("I don't want to go through that again" & "I hurt someone"), change their actions to stay out of trouble, and learn to trust and form relationships with helping adults.

Kathy Noll has written a series of articles on bullies and how to deal with bullies.